REFLECTIONS ON HOLES-IN-ONE, DISCO BOWLING, STRIKERS AND STRIKING OUT: After James Blake justifiably gloated about his hole-in-one at La Quinta’s Dunes course, we wondered about the greatest sports accomplishments—outside of tennis—of today’s greats. We soon learned that Andy Murray once downed fellow-Brit Tim Henman in an intense putting contest, and that Rafa Nadal (who’s uncle and coach was a star on the Spain’s soccer team) asserted that he was a great junior soccer player—sort of a left-footed equivalent of Beckham with a vicious kick. Similarly, Federer beamed about his soccer play as a junior. “I won a soccer tournament when I was 12...I was a striker. I liked scoring goals.” Roddick, a former high school hoopster, joked that he recently “bowled a 56 in disco bowling and then threw a party.” As for Maria Sharapova, she said, “I’m not very good at sports. I’m not.” [Editor’s note: You could have fooled us.] Apart from tennis, I seriously don’t consider myself an athlete...The other day, I missed a baseball with my racket 28 times. It’s embarrassing.” Similarly, Sharapova told Teen Vogue, “If it weren’t for the fact that I’m a pro athlete, I wouldn’t be a pro athlete.”

 

TOO MUCH COMFORT IN MEN’S TENNIS: Reflecting on Federer’s extraordinary dominance and the conventional wisdom that the top of the men’s game has almost become locked into its basic rankings places, Gustavo Kuerten noted, “The other guys start to disbelieve a little bit...I see Federer being very comfortable there and people sometimes being comfortable being No. 3 or 4 in the world.”

 

FAN ABUSE: Tennis CEO Ken Solomon asserted, “Tennis fans are among the most abused viewers in the world.”

 

JUST ANOTHER CUT ‘N RUN APOLOGIST: Reflecting on the round-robin debacle, Jon Wertheim noted, “You know how they say, ‘What happens in Vegas stays in Vegas?’ Let’s never dredge up round-robin again. Guys, it was an intriguing idea. We gave it a chance. It’s an unqualified fiasco that springs more holes by the week. Let’s cut bait and move on.”

 

JMOBSTER UPDATE OF THE MONTH: At the Tennis Channel Open in Vegas, Leif Shiras reflected on the underworld icon who created Vegas, noting, “Somewhere Bugsy Siegel is saying, ‘I told you so, you could have an entertainment capital in the middle of the desert.’” Shiras added that Siegel named his storied Flamingo hotel after the long legs of his chorus girl companion.

 

U2 CAN PLAY HOOKY: While commenting on all the withdrawals in men’s tennis, ATP CEO Etienne de Villiers noted, “We had 384 withdrawals last year. On the basis of 2,000 players jobs, that’s a fifth. It’s like going to a U2 concert and one of the band members doesn’t show up.”

 

JUST WONDERING: If ATP Chief Ettienne de Villers called Federer to update him on his latest decision in the round-robin controversy, does that mean NFL Commissioner Roger Goodell calls Colts quarterback Peyton Manning every time he has to make a big decision?...Will Federer, who seemingly is at his midcareer peak, put together another streak of 41 wins in a row?...Will Sam Querrey reach the top 30 as Roddick suggests?...How long will it be before players start squawking about NOT having the Hawk-Eye electronic scoring system at smaller events?...How much has the fact that there are 400 million cell phones in China influenced the move of the SONY ERICSSON WTA TOUR to aggressively increase its presence in China?

 

CURIOUS QUESTIONS:

 “Is there something about your personality to cause others to quit?”—Jimmy Arias to Andy Murray

“Is it possible when all is said and done that this is the year that Federer will be the Roland Garros champion and Rafa Nadal will be the Wimbledon champ?”—asked of Nadal after he said that he greatly enjoyed playing on grass

“Is it just me or is this complete madness?—An SI.com reader on the ATP’s round-robin experiment?

“Could a match like this end up helping you?”—From a reporter who thought Federer’s first-round loss at Indian Wells might leave him with more energy for later in the year

“Do you think having all the Sharapova look-alikes around here was a distraction for you?”

—to Sharapova after her Pacific Life Open loss

“If golf were played on clay [instead of grass], would you have better results.” —to claymeister and struggling golfer Rafa Nadal

 

FEWER PETUNIAS AT THE CLUB: Wimbledon recently announced that it will at last pay equal prize money for men and women. The move brings to mind our favorite (whoops, make that our least favorite) rationalization for not paying equally: i.e., the All-England Club chief who explained that if Wimbledon spent the extra money for equal pay, they would have to cut back on the petunias on the grounds.

 

NIGHTMARE SCENARIO: While musing on the importance of rivalries, the L.A. Times’ Kurt Streeter, who once played for UC-Berkeley and won the S.F. Open, wrote, “Imagine where the game would be if there were McEnroe, but no Borg. Navratilova, but no Evert. If Sampras had gone to Long Beach State and become an engineer, and Agassi had stayed in Las Vegas and become a chef.”

 

DOUBLES FANTASY: Follow us here. If there were a player-coach doubles tournament, our top seeds would be 1. Andy Murray/Brad Gilbert 2. Fernando Gonzalez/Larry Stefanki 3. Andy Roddick/Jimmy Connors 4. Roger Federer/Tony Roche.

 

ONLY IF YOU ARE A HOCKEY PLAYER: Brazilian Gustavo Kuerten—who soon will lead his homeland into Davis Cup battle against the fearsome Canadians—was asked by a reporter, “Do you fear Canada?”

 

SAY IT ISN’T SO: The WTA tour has a dress code for coaches of women who come out on court between sets...One press room sage in the semi-retirement community of Indian Wells noted that “come-backing” Guga Kuerten “has a new hip like everyone else around here”...According to Neil Harman, Andy Murray gets more attention on his website when he cuts hair than he would if he won Wimbledon...Former Wimbledon semifinalist Alexandra Stevenson, now ranked No. 373, lost to Angela Haynes in the first-round of an ITF Challenger in Vegas...A British writer noted that her county has the biggest traveling tennis press corps and they follow only one player. “So if Andy Murray scratches his bum, it’s on the front page.”

 

GREAT PROGRESSIONS IN TENNIS HISTORY I: When it comes to role models and ambassadors in American men’s tennis, has there been a progression from Arthur Ashe to Andre Agassi to James Blake?

 

GREAT PROGRESSIONS IN TENNIS HISTORY II: When it comes to the great fishermen of the Open era, did it all begin with Czechoslovakian Miloslav Mecir and then proceed to Aaron Krickstein, Michael Chang and (if you can possibly choose to ignore Mardy Fish) Nikolay Davydenko, who recently bragged of catching a tuna and a barracuda.

 

GREAT PROGRESSIONS IN TENNIS HISTORY III: The hottest coaching lineage these days begins with former Foothill coach Tom Chivington, who taught Larry Stefanki (who went on to coach John McEnroe, Yevgeny Kafelnikov, Marcelo Rios, Tim Henman and Fernando Gonzalez) and Brad Gilbert (who’s tutored Agassi, Roddick and Andy Murray).

 

---THE BEST MATCH NOBODY SAW II: We dubbed the Andy Roddick-Younes El Aynaoui 4-6, 7-6(5), 4-6, 6-4, 21-19 classic “the best match nobody saw” since, after all, the ‘03 Aussie Open quarterfinal was aired in the middle of the night. But now we have a new “greatest match nobody ever saw”: Sampras vs. Federer which was played at, of all places, Pete’s Beverly Hills house. The backstory began when Roger was looking for a place to practice when he came to L.A. He thought of Pete and called him up to see if he wanted to hit. Pete was stoked and Fed came by. We’re sure the classy Sampras (rather than snarling, “Listen up, Roger, don’t you dare steal my most Slams ever record!”) was more than warm and welcoming. Roger reported that the duo “hit together for two days. [Pete played] very good, surprisingly, very good...[But] not good enough to beat me,” glowed Roger. “He was one of my favorite players when I was growing up. And beating him in his backyard at Wimbledon was so special to me, so I wanted to beat him at his house.” Presumably only a few insiders and some neighborhood sparrows saw what had to be a sublime encounter. After all, we’re in an era where the burning locker room debate has long been: who’s better, Pete or Roger. With that in mind, we can easily imagine a huge (great for tennis) exo between the two which could be the biggest special event since Billie Jean vs. Bobby Riggs. With proper hype, wouldn’t eager crowds fill the Staples Center, Ashe Stadium or, for that matter, Centre Court Wimbledon?HOW COULD THIS HAPPEN ON OUR WATCH?: During a press conference at the SAP Open, Andy Roddick said the press corps in San Jose was the most polite he had ever encountered.

 

YET ANOTHER HISTORIC FIRST: Andy Murray issued a Hawk-Eye challenge on the first point of his match.

 

HAWK-EYE EXAMINATION: Many a player, including Federer, Nadal and Andy Murray, have been questioning the accuracy of the Hawk-Eye electronic scoring system. Defenders of the system note that even though it may have problems in twilight (like humans) and if the system’s camera alignments are askew, it is still far more accurate than linespersons. Still, players have pointed to marks that are clearly at variance with Hawk-Eye’s calls and have said chair umps should be able to overrule particularly egregious Hawk-Eye rulings.

 

SERENA’S POACHING POOCHES: According to the New York Post, a guest at a luxury Manhattan hotel “got a surprise greeting when he returned to his room to find Serena’s two tiny pooches napping on his bed. Serena checked into a suite with a terrace, and the guest next door to her left his door open. When he returned, he was greeted by Serena’s two dogs sleeping on his bed. The pups had jumped the planter box separating the terraces and squeezed into the other guest’s room. Luckily, they didn’t leave any surprises behind.”

 

ROGER HASN’T BEEN THE ONLY ONE TO DOMINATE: For the past 30 years, Jimmy Connors held the mark for most consecutive weeks at No. 1 (160). But Federer has now eclipsed that venerable mark. Of course, the stat sheets tell us of numerous other long runs at No. 1:

• President Franklin Roosevelt was elected four times, serving 12 straight years (or 4,380 days).

• Allen Drury’s political thriller Advise and Consent stayed atop the N.Y. Times Bestseller List for a record 57 weeks.

• Phantom of the Opera (7,965 performances) is Broadway’s longest running show.

• Meet the Press’ run of 60 years makes is the longest running show on TV.

• Mariah Carey and Boyz II Men’s hit “One Sweet Day” sat atop the Billboard charts for an unequaled 16 weeks.

 

WHO YA GONNA BLAME—DRUGBUSTERS!: Guillermo Canas blamed a misprescribing doctor and incompetent lawyers for his 15-month suspension for drug use.

 

SO MUCH FOR MATCH ANALYSIS: We overheard the following curious dialogue in the Pacific Life Open press room:

REPORTER I: The best way to get an audience to read about tennis is not to talk about what’s going on on the court.

REPORTER II: It’s like covering poker. You don’t describe the poker game—you discuss the characters at the poker table.

 

WELL, AT LEAST MARK MCGWIRE DIDN’T GET INTO THE HALL OF FAME: There just wasn’t something right about Mr. Perfect Roger Federer being knocked out in the first round at Indian Wells by a player who was suspended for drug use.

 

CRIMES AND (SPORTS) MISDEMEANORS: The missteps of the supposedly savvy ATP chief Ettiene de Villiers (who made the late-night decision from distant England that James Blake should advance to the Tennis Channel Open quarters in Vegas and then flip-flopped and said nevermind), brings to mind many a stumblin’, bumblin’ blunder by other sports czars:

• NFL boss Pete Rozelle approved play right after the assassination of President Kennedy. (The AFC canceled its games.)

• Bud Selig canceled the ‘02 All-Star game when it went into extra innings.

• NBA chief David Stern brought in a slick ‘n slippery ball this season that brought discord and supposedly caused injuries. Even Ralph Nader complained to the L.A. Times, prompting Stern to tell the crusader that with all the probs in the world, why are you sweating over a basketball. The ball lasted just a couple of months.

• Hockey boss Gary Bettman has overseen so many missteps, including the lockout of players for an entire season, that some have called his entire tenure a blunder.

• Bigwigs at the Augusta Masters brought Roberto DeVicenzo into the fabled Butler Cabin to bathe him in accolades for winning America’s most celebrated golf tournament, only to discover that the Argentinean had screwed up his scorecard and, in fact, had lost.

• The Tour de France bestowed its title last year to Floyd Landis. Later, tests showed that the Californian had taken drugs, and he was stripped of his title.

• Former ATP CEO Mark Miles initiated a bloated (greed is actually not good) marketing pact with ISL whose subsequent bankruptcy shook the men’s tour.

• During the Vietnam War, boxing bosses stripped Muhammad Ali of his heavyweight title because he refused induction into the Army. Ali went on to become an international icon.

 

SO YOU GOTTA WONDER WHAT HE THINKS OF BARRY BONDS? Reflecting on the 15-month suspension of Canas, Federer said, “I don’t know how the whole process like that happens. They always fight for it anyway, everybody that has tested positive. That’s just not understandable. Everybody who gets caught always says, “I didn’t do anything.” It’s just not right...and they always cut the suspensions short.“

 

SOME THINGS JUST NEVER GO AWAY: In ‘05, American Express launched a huge marketing campaign at the U.S. Open touting Andy Roddick’s mojo. Roddick was then rudely upset in the first round, which led to the sky-is-falling suggestion that Andy had suddenly lost his mojo. Anyway, the campaign proved to be the most miserable tennis-related marketing blitz since the oversized Wimbledon racket signed up Ilie Nastase to endorse their frame and then the Romanian promptly went on a rant against oversized frames. So not surprisingly, there were plenty of snickers at the SAP Open when—during changeovers at Andy’s matches—loud ads pronounced the virtues of “Mojo Burgers.”

 

‘NAH, THE THOUGHT NEVER CROSSED MY MIND’: Asked whether he ever thought about how many Grand Slam titles Federer has cost him, Roddick confided, “It’s impossible not to have that thought cross your mind. But you’ve got to play the hand you’re dealt. I don’t really obsess about it, but you start thinking, ‘Okay, you’ve lost to him six times in the semis or further at majors—[including a] couple of Wimbledon finals where you’re playing well [and at] a Wimbledon semi where you’re playing well.’ No, I’ve never thought about it...”

 

STRONGER THAN A FLYING BULLET: Jimmy Connors has the strongest handshake in the game...Sharapova’s groan can penetrate thick plate glass.

 

THE FEAR OF LOOKING GOD IN THE EYE: Federer has confided to other players, “Don’t look at me when I walk in [the locker room].”

BY THE WAY: Net profits for the sales of those fancy suites at the Pacific Life Open are about $1 million...For the first time, the Pacific Life Open sold more than 20,000 tickets in one day.

 

HEADLINES:

Venus pulls a Serena — SI.com after Venus won in Memphis

The Myth Of A Neat Newsroom—Exposed! — San Francisco Chronicle on the movie Zodiac

 

WHAT HAPPENS IN VEGAS...: The Las Vegas Review Journal reported, “Las Vegas spent $1.4 million to host last year’s Tennis Channel Open, while all revenue from the tournament went to the private company that owns it...Las Vegas is obligated to pay the Tennis Channel Open $300,000 each year...The contract also requires the city to provide perks to VIPs, like helicopter rides to the Grand Canyon, ski lift tickets to Mount Charleston, and rides on F-16s at Nellis Air Force Base...About 40,000 people came through the gates last year...” Some critics said the city didn’t know what it was getting into. Others asserted, it was good for business and attracted tourists during a gap in the attraction calendar.

 

FROM TENNIS PARLOR TO POOL HALL: A swimming pool is being installed at Melbourne Park’s centre court, site of the Australian Open, for the world swimming championships.

 

THE MYSTERY REMAINS: For a couple of years now, a burning question in the men’s game has been how the heck do you beat Federer. So when Canas brought down the Swiss juggernaut, he was asked, “How did you beat Roger?” The Argentinean simply shrugged his shoulders and replied, “I don’t know.”

 

HOT TICKET: Federer said that Tiger might well come out to see his match on the opening Saturday night at Key Biscayne.

 

THE COURAGE TO STEP UP: Reacting to former Utah Jazz player John Amechi’s revelation that he is gay, former NBA star Tim Hardaway unleashed a bitter homophobic rant. Asked by IT for his thoughts on having an openly gay guy playing the circuit, Andy Roddick reflected: “I don’t know if it would cause problems. I think it’s a personal thing. I don’t see anything wrong with it. You’d admire the person for having the courage to step up and be who they are. I think everybody was a little disappointed in those remarks.”

 

PUTTING IT ALL IN PERSPECTIVE: In a revealing USA Today piece, Pam Shriver contended that Andrea Jaeger, the former No. 2-ranked player turned Dominican nun, “has evolved as much as any former phenom.” Doug Robson’s article noted, “Her name will never be etched on Grand Slam hardware, but she can live with that.” “It’s like I have kids’ names in my heart,” Jaeger says. “That’s life’s trophy.”

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