COURT REPORTS: When asked about the prospects of an American guy winning Roland Garros, James Blake said, "Maybe when they put it on hard courts. So maybe never."...The U.S. Open's Court 4 was dubbed "Court Four-nication" because in three of the past five years, couples were arrested there for amorous behavior...

GREAT, ANOTHER SWELL WAY TO SPEND OUR HARD-EARNED TAX BUCKS: The London Times suggested that NASA be commissioned to invent "a device to measure shriekers' output and emit a sharp retort for anything over 50 decibels. The shrieker should forfeit the point, and she should forfeit another if she dares to argue with Hawk-Ear."

FEMINIST REVISIONISM: McEnroe and Connors, two macho lads who, in their day, didn't exactly "man" the feminist barricades, played prominent roles in the celebration of the naming of the USTA National Tennis Center after Billie Jean King. During the ceremony, Chris Evert laughed, "I can't believe I'm standing this close to Jimmy Connors and John McEnroe and there hasn't been a fistfight yet."

FAREWELL ANDRE, FAREWELL: • According to Steve Carp, the baristas at the Trails Village Center Starbucks in Vegas think Agassi [who is known there as Andrew] "is just another guy with a nice car looking for a parking spot and a 16-ounce caffeine wake-up call." • "Agassi doesn't even qualify as the most accomplished player in his own house. Mrs. Agassi won 22 Grand Slam tournament titles, 14 more than he did." — Dale Robertson RICHARD OSBORN In the end, for Andre "emotion was everything." • "The response, from a group [of reporters] that is paid to be adversarial, probing, sarcastic, disbelieving, jaded, confrontational and objective...was a standing ovation and many moist eyes." — Bill Dwyre on the U.S. Open media's farewell applause • "Agassi leaves as a man who reinvigorated tennis and wondrously transcended sport...He came to realize that talent is a gift, but one that can be sustained only by hard work and consummate dedication. Shedding the insouciance of youth, he did not become arrogant or feel entitled to his achievements. He was, instead, refreshingly grateful for them...The record books are simply not big enough to capture Agassi. It is fitting that he took his final bow in a stadium named for Arthur Ashe. Amid a sporting world often crassly dedicated only to winning, he has become, like Ashe before him, that rarest of men — a true champion." — Jay Winik • "In the last 20 years, he's the most important person we've had in our sport. Billie Jean made huge inroads for women, but Andre made our sport cool, popular with the younger crowd, exciting. He's beloved. Not many players become what he has become. You know that he is going to be equally famous and equally successful in his post career." — Lindsay Davenport • "Statistics will measure greatness. But his goodness will be measured by the impact he's had on those who've shared his story." — Gil Reyes • "Whatever you say, it's not enough. You say he's a legend. He's more than a legend." — Marcos Baghdatis • "In the end...emotion was everything for Andre Agassi." — Lisa Dillman

MUSLIM MATTERS: 1,100 Arab and Druze kids played with a similar number of Jewish kids in youth programs established by the Israel Tennis Center and local Arab leaders...Gunmen stopped a car carrying Iraq's Sunni Arab national coach and two Shiite players and shot them dead. Earlier, leaflets had warned of wearing shorts because they showed "forbidden parts of the body." But one Sunni cleric denounced the attack, saying, Islam "is an easy religion and it allows wearing sport shorts...the acts that are targeting the sport are criminal."...Murtala Bala Habu wrote, "Why can't tennis' industrial powers respect Islamic culture by coming out with outfits that will be seen as appropriate under Islamic law?"...Monsour Bahrami told IT that Agassi is widely admired in his native Iran, where Andre's parents came from, [but] tennis is dead there — if women want to play, they have to do so in a fenced off area... Ironically, Aravane Rezai, 19, a Frenchwoman of Iranian descent, was a sensation at the French Open. Rezai's parents have had many run-ins with the French Federation, which denied her a wild card. Rezai's father went into debt to support his daughter, and their family lived out of an RV. Rezai, who won gold medals at the Muslim Olympics, says she plays for her country, not her federation, and hopes she inspires Muslim girls to begin to play. Similarly, Indian Muslim Sania Mirza reported that her success has inspired Indian girls to play in droves, but a lotto poster featuring Mirza was burned during an anti-Mirza demonstration...

ESSAY CONTEST WINNER OF THE YEAR: IT asked James Blake, "If there were an essay question at Harvard that asked, in 100 words or less, what makes Federer so good, what would you say?" Blake brilliantly returned our serve with this 109-word answer: "There are just too many things he does well. He doesn't panic. He plays offense unbelievably well. He plays defense better than anyone I've ever played. He makes so many gets, and when he gets to it, he doesn't just put it back; he puts it where it's difficult for you to hit the next shot. Volleys well. Serves well. Handled the pressure of being No. 1 in the world and the pressure of a crowd tonight that was clearly on my side. He obviously puts pressure on himself to succeed. He's got the biggest forehand in the game that seems to be able to create pace out of nothing." Blake then paused, caught his breath and asked, "Is that 100 words or less? I could keep going."

JUST ANOTHER JOURNEY ALONG THE LONG AND WINDING WHITE MILE: The unconventional Patty Schnyder and her husband/coach, Rainer Hofmann, naturally wanted a different kind of website: "To use a tennis ball and a smiling face seemed too normal for our story." So they dubbed their website The White Mile because "at the beginning, all seems white, but the deeper you go, the more colors you will find...A mile can be very long, especially if it's white."

MULTITASKING MAY BE DANGEROUS TO YOUR ATP RANKING: After a wretched Agassi loss in Washington, the Washington Post noted, "Agassi is trying to summon his competitive best while hugging everybody goodbye." "It's all a bit surreal," Andre concurred. "I'm out there trying to do a job, and I feel like I want to have dinner with everybody."

CONTRARIAN OF THE YEAR: Upon his induction into the International Hall of Fame, Italian writer Gianni Clerici observed:
• "Usually, I don't remember what I write because I'm ashamed of it."
• "[In the early days] we didn't have telephones when we were reporting from Wimbledon...We did it by pigeons."
• "[Tennis these days] is much closer to wrestling...It's too muscular for my taste."

DA WORLD IS FLAT COMMENTARY OF THE YEAR: When a fan complained that Dmitry Tursunov, who's lived in California since he was 12, helped Russia beat the U.S. in the Davis Cup semis, Jon Wertheim wrote: "In this age of the-world-is-flat globalization, international competitions have lost a lot of their relevance. The whole concept of a 'foreign athlete' — whether it's a Romanian gymnast in Houston, the Brazilian soccer star in Madrid, a Chinese basketball star in Houston...has never been murkier."

TWO BILLION EYEBALLS: Sania Mirza claimed, "I have a billion people watching my every step, living a tennis match with me. It is amazing that people care so much, and it can make such a difference to their lives."

11,000 REASONS TO LOVE KIMMY: In Antwerp, Kim Clijsters celebrated becoming No. 1 by giving a bottle of champagne to each of the 11,000 fans on hand...At a San Diego auction, Kimmy paid $11,000 for a black labrador pup which she promptly gave to a fan.

TROPHY TALK: Clijsters noted, "I like to make friends on tour. Trophies don't talk to you when you retire. We all want to win, but meeting up with the girls is much more important"...Bjorn Borg put up his Wimbledon trophies and rackets for sale but said it wasn't for the money. After a public outcry and some tough love comments from John McEnroe, Bjorn came to his senses and asserted that, at first, he had thought the trophies and rackets might be something that someone might want to have..."Never did I expect the symbolism to be of such amazing magnitude...Trophies of this kind have a meaning that goes beyond my comprehension. They emphasize the bond between me and the people...I will never sell my Wimbledon trophies and rackets."

HEADLINES
Pure Genius Never Dull
Laver Likes Federer's Future
An Aye for an Eye (on the enthusiastic reaction to Hawk-Eye)
Serena's Slip Is Showing
Agassi-Ya!

FASHION FOLLIES: Mary Carillo suggested that Roddick's game is a little like his clothing. "It's big and loose and sometimes a little awkward"...Stodgy ol' Wimbledon replaced its lumpy, been-there-forever pea-green unies with old-school navy and creme outfits. Individually tailored and hard to ignore, the over-the-top Ralph Lauren ensembles delivered a stylish retro look that screamed, "Well, old chap, do join me at the club next Sunday for a spot of tea." Too bad a whole bunch of them split at the seams...Federer came out on court at Wimbledon sporting a white blazer that featured his own personalized insignia...When Serena appeared at the U.S. Open in an Asian-inspired outfit, Jerry Magee said it was inspired by the "Bling Dynasty." Then the next day, when she appeared in a new outfit without an Asian sensibility, the San Diego writer reminded us that the "Bling Dynasty didn't last forever."...After Anastassia Rodionova was drubbed in straight sets while wearing dark sunglasses, one commentator suggested that maybe she wore them "because she didn't want to see the scoreboard."...Jim Courier reminded us that Borg is "the all-time greatest player to have a line of underwear named after him"...After noting that Dominic Hrabaty had the highest ball toss in the game, Jon Wertheim asserted, "It's as if the ball is trying to get as far away from that hideous pink shirt as possible."

FASHION MAVEN OF THE CENTURY: Sorry Serena, Sharapova, Rafa and Dominic [Hrbaty], Bethanie Mattek is the fashion maverick of the 21st century. First at Wimbledon, the nymph of Neenah [Wisconsin] emerged with a "dime-store-cowgirl-meets-soccer-player" outfit, which was called the fashion "crime of the century because it's based on a 'design for living beneath the bread line.'" Eleanor Preston quipped that Mattek's outfit reminded her of "a church group doing a stage version of Barbarella." Mattek continued her fashion offensive at the U.S. Open when she appeared in buff brown shorts with a silky top with frilly short sleeves. Fan comments included: "Oh my God, is that a Victoria Secret outfit?"; "It's like Madonna went wild in a thrift store"; and "Those socks remind me of the ones they give you in the hospital so you don't get blood clots."

'MAIN SHOW ANDY' ON SIDESHOW BOB: After losing to Russian Igor Andreev at Indian Wells, Roddick offered a fab ramble. Walking into the press conference (which he said had the atmosphere of a funeral), he basically said he missed the good ol' days when he just came out and blasted through foes. "I used to like hit for a half hour," he recalled, "and then go eat Cheetos the rest of the day, [then] come out and drill forehands. Now I'm really trying to make it happen [by] being professional...[but] I miss my Cheetos." And what about the future? He retorted, "I don't know. I'm not Miss Cleo [the B-list TV psychic]." As for his demeanor on-court, he spoke of wide-ranging options from going kamikaze to "achieving a Gandhi-like peace of mind," but he would not be retooling his game. "That's sort of a sign of giving up. [Barry] Bonds is not going to begin laying down sac bunts." When asked of his Russian foe, Roddick played his Simpsons card, saying that Andreev went Sideshow Bob on him.

SAY IT ISN'T SO: Roscoe Tanner, 54, was sentenced in Florida to two years in prison for violating probation on his grand theft conviction...Venus played only six tournaments in '06...Indonesia canceled it's Fed Cup match against Israel... No American has won a Grand Slam since Venus at Wimbledon '05... The highest-ranked American guy after Blake and Roddick is Mardy Fish, No. 47... The last time an American failed to reach the Wimbledon quarters was 1911.

JUMP SHOTS: During the Argentina-Australia Davis Cup semi in Buenos Aires, fans chanted, "You kangaroos don't jump anymore...Billie Jean King quipped, "I can't even jump anymore. I can't even get an American Express card under my foot."

TRULY A GRAVE CRIME (NOT): The Sydney Morning Herald noted, "Tommy Haas and Kiefer have both been tried and convicted of the gravest crime in German tennis — failing to be the next Boris Becker."

MAKE UP YOUR MIND ALREADY: The Sydney Morning Herald noted, "Love or hate Lleyton Hewitt, or love to hate him, or hate to love him, or hate those who love him, or love those who love him — the public's relationship with this guy gets more complex by the year."

EXO-RATED NEWS: Sampras said he would love to play an exhibition match against Federer and then flashed signs of his fabulous old self with a stunning 5-3, 5-3 win over Roddick. He also scored a couple of exo wins over Robby Ginepri...A Florida jury ruled that Richard Williams breached a contract and made fraudulent representations when he committed his kids, Serena and Venus, to play a Battle of the Sexes exo. But they said there should be no damages.

OH HOW THE MIGHTY HAVE FALLEN: Jelena Dokic [now ranked No. 587] and Alexandra Stevenson [now ranked No. 397] who faced each other in the '99 Wimbledon quarters, met in the Wimby qualifying tournament. Stevenson won, but then lost her next match.

WE WUZ ROBBED: Monica Seles claimed that fans "definitely got robbed of the great matches Steffi and I would have played, but that was the course history wanted to take."
NEW EUROPE?: For the first time in the Open era, 15 of the 16 Grand Slam finalists were Europeans and all of the top 19 WTA singles players were European.

NOT A SIGN OF OUR TIMES: Dreamers wanted the N.Y. Mets to name their stadium after Jackie Robinson. Then, among other things, there could be signage on parkways in Queens that might tout Robinson, Arthur Ashe and Billie Jean King, all in one sign. But the Mets signed a $20 million naming rights deal with Citicorp.

BEST T-SHIRTS:
Maria Sharapova: "Leave Fear Behind."
A Roddick fan from Texas: "Keep Austin Weird"
Amelie Mauresmo: "2006 Wimbledon Champion. I am what I am."

'YOU MAY SAY TENNIS IS A LOSER, BUT IT'S NOT THE ONLY ONE': Former USTA coach Eliot Teltscher said, "Keep in mind, America didn't come close to winning the baseball, basketball or the hockey or the soccer. It's not [just] tennis. We're not winning anything anymore. This country's dominance in sports has died in everything."

THE TWILIGHT OF THE STARS: It's almost certain that pregnant Lindsay Davenport, 30, will not return to the tour...Monica Seles told IT, "My foot is not looking too good. Reality's coming in there...it doesn't look good."...Anna Kournikova, who hasn't played since '02, mused, "Who knows if I'll come back. That's why I would like not to make a retirement announcement."...Jennifer Capriati said, "I'm not retired by all means...At first, I thought, okay, I'll take a little break and come back rejuvenated, but this has been a little too long."

PLANE REDEMPTION: Thank goodness doubles stars Bob and Mike Bryan, Mark Knowles, and Daniel Nestor averted a tragic death (reminiscent of the late golfer Payne Stewart) when the small, chartered plane they were on lost cabin pressure. Fortunately, an alert pilot noticed and returned to Palm Springs.

Speaking of Redemption: Just as he was leaving office, former USTA President Franklin Johnson had an emergency operation for an aneurism in his heart, thus avoiding a possible serious medical crisis.

EVEN THE PRESIDENT OF THE UNITED STATES MUST PICK UP BALLS: President Bush famously works out. President Clinton loves his golf and was an avid tennis spectator. George Bush Sr. probably was the best presidential tennis player in history. But, (despite an occasional plunge down a stairway) the late president Gerald Ford was certainly the best all-around presidential athlete. He was a football star at the University of Michigan and turned down a career with the Green Bay Packers. Later, he loved to ski, golf and play tennis. When he moved to Rancho Mirage in '77, celebrated pro Tommy Tucker would often teach him on Leonard Firestone's court. Tucker recalls all the security that hovered about and how humble, hardworking and approachable Ford was: "At the end of each session," Tucker recalled, "The President would pick up the balls. That was the kind of guy he was. I said, 'Mr. President, you don't need to do that.'"

INEXPLICABLE LOSS OF THE YEAR: After the seemingly fit 'n' trim Tennis Week publisher Gene Scott, 68, suddenly died, it was noted that "his writing was literate, grand and elegant, and he delighted in a playful sense of whimsy. Pretense, hypocrisy, duplicity, rigidity, greed and excess all suffered from his withering pen." Tennis Week was sold to IMG in December.

© 2007 INSIDE TENNIS All rights reserved.
All photographs, text and graphics, appearing on the Inside Tennis web site are protected by copyright.
Any republication, retransmission or reproduction or other use is prohibited without express written permission of Inside Tennis.