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The Buzz, Of Bonzo, Babes, Bananas and Bandanas

THE BUZZ IN FOUR PARTS :: part 1 – Go to page:  |  1  |  2  |  3  |  4  |

ANALYSIS OF THE YEAR: When Russian Elena Vesnina netted yet another drop shot, Australian TV contended, "What she needs to work on if she's to progress is net clearance."

SUNRISE, SUNSET: Martina Hingis returns, Martina Navratilova leaves.

SOMETHING'S HAPPENING HERE: There have been more changes (proposed and real) in the past couple of seasons (instant replay, doubles, coaching, round-robin and scheduling changes) than there have been in eons.

INSTRUCTIONAL TIP OF THE YEAR: Robert Philip recalled, "For as long as I can remember, there has been a jolly London bobby stationed outside Southfields tube station during this particular fortnight. When asked, as he is countless times, 'Excuse me, how do I get to Wimbledon?' he can barely contain himself as he says, 'Keep practicing.'"

THE (DON'T 'CRAMP' OUR STYLE) MATCH OF THE YEAR: The Federer-Nadal five-set Italian Open and the Mauresmo-Henin-Hardenne Wimbledon finals were both captivating, but our choice (despite the fact that it was a lowly second-round affair) was Agassi's 6-4, 6-4, 3-6, 5-7, 7-5 late-night, big-stage, cramp-laden, feel-good win over Marcus Baghdatis at the U.S. Open.

THOSE DARN CUTIE-PATOOTIES ARE AT IT AGAIN: Billie Jean King, who lost all her endorsement deals after she came out of the closet in '81, reflected on Sharapova's seemingly nonstop endorsements, saying, "It's the cutie-patooties, no matter what, that always get the most."

 
King Kong poster
ANIMAL FARM:

• YEAR OF THE GORILLA:
Early in ‘06, Bud Collins observed, "The monkey is off Federer’s back — Rafael  Nadal has grown into a gorilla."...Noted movie critic John McEnroe, reflecting on the equal prize money controversy, said, "I went to see the movie King Kong. It was too long, [so] being long didn’t make it better. So I don’t believe the argument about men’s matches being longer is relevant"...At the opening of Vegas’ Red Rock Resort, Andre Agassi — ensconced in the high-limit pit — gave a dealer a $25,000 tip, prompting a local to quip, "Talk about a King Kong George."

• THE EEL DEAL: After a Cypriot official said Baghdatis was the greatest athlete Cyprus ever produced, Martin Johnson countered, "This is like the Minister of Swimming for Equatorial Guinea bestowing the same accolade on Eric the Eel, who almost drowned at the Sydney Olympics."

• AN OLD DOG WITH A SHAVEN SKULL AND DAZZLING TEETH: Reflecting on Agassi, Brough Scott observed, "For an old dog, he looks quite wonderfully well...There is a glow about him...A sheen of good health gleamed from the bronzed arms, the shaven skull and the dazzling teeth. [There] is a "farewell chime with a sense of benediction only enhanced when he says that ‘it’s been an ongoing journey, one I have tried to allow as many people in as possible. It’s been an incredible life.’"

• TENNIS’ MOST BELOVED PAIN IN THE BASS: A Tennis World blogger contended, "Andre is like a bass. And it starts with this thump, this rhythm. Then all of a sudden it’s like a trumpet playing high notes... It’s just amazing watching him. I think it’s his heart. He lets all of us share a little bit of a glimpse of what the best of all of us can be"...Some folks like the Pacific Life Open’s trophies that replicate the sponsor’s whale logo. But one cynic said every time she sees it, she feels like she’s at the World Bass Fishing Championships.

• WORDS WE WISH WE NEVER HEARD: At the height of "Bananagate" (which may have been one of the more curious banana happenings since Bed Time for Bonzo), reporters actually had the temerity to question whether Sharapova had violated the no coaching rule when her coach held out four fingers and her dad signaled for her to eat a banana. Maria replied, "Just take the rules away, take the books away."
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JUST WONDERING: How come, after her somewhat controversial U.S. Open win, Sharapova didn't get an endorsement deal with Banana Republic?...Is Hawk-Eye the most significant rule change in tennis since the tiebreak emerged 30 years ago?...Will Hawk-Eye, as Jimmy Connors suggested, put an end to player rants, which fans kind of like, in the way hockey fans like fights and car racing fans relish crashes?...Will Roddick win another Slam?...How come there's no hot rising young American guy or gal?...Is Blake's backhand the most improved stroke in tennis?...Why isn't there a rule that requires the Bryan Bros. to wear shirts that announce on their backs "I'm Bob" or "I'm Mike"?...Are Borg and Becker the only two European players who have truly achieved superstar status in America?

SAY IT ISN'T SO (PETE SAMPRAS DIVISION): When the Newport Beach Daily Pilot asked Dick Leach what his Breakers team had to do to have a successful road trip, the coach didn't sugarcoat his response. "Unfortunately, we've got no chance because [Pete] Sampras is so out of shape," Leach stated. "You can't put down your racket in '03, then pick it up three months before you play a match...He's a great guy and great to his teammates, but [with him in the lineup], we can't win."...Pete was 3-13 in WTT play. Of course, Pete, too, has an army of defenders, such as former No. 1 Carlos Moya, who said, "Federer and Nadal are good, but not in Sampras' league."...By the way, "Pistol Pete" finally got on the cover of Sports Illustrated, but unfortunately, it was hoopster Pete Maravich, not Sampras.

SO LOOK WHO THEY WOULDN'T ALLOW INTO THE CLUB: Arguably, Sampras had the most stellar, dignified and record-breaking career in history. So you'd expect that when the icon was put up for membership at the Los Angeles County Club, they'd rush to get the guy in. (Plus, just think how he'd help out during those testy interclub matches.) But, can you believe, Sampras' membership was turned down. But why? His ethnic origin? A Hollywood wife? Or is the place jammed with Agassi backers?

SERVE AND VOLLEY: Navratilova said, "Let's just put it this way: I'm the greatest volleyer that's ever played, and I would have a hard time serve-and-volleying in today's game, so something is wrong...Even Federer, who used to serve and volley, is staying back...The courts are too slow, the rackets are too powerful, so you're going to see much more one-dimensional tennis."

GO FIGURE: Slam winner Michael Chang was discounted for a coaching position in China because he was too inexperienced... There are six Chinese women in the top 100. The top-ranked Chinese guy is No. 485... Serena said her goal is to have a slightly better ranking. She's now No. 91...Venus appeared in two U.S. Open presentation ceremonies, but no matches...The French Open is played on three Sundays, Wimbledon is played on one...For the first time, one man (Federer) and one woman (Henin-Hardenne) reached the singles final of all four Slams.

WARS, PLAGUES AND OVERHYPED SPORTSMEN: The Daily Telegraph noted, "The history of Britain can now be condensed into wars, reigns, plagues, the steam engine and lumping ridiculous expectations on to overhyped sportsmen."

WITH A SCOTTISH CHIP ON HIS SHOULDER: John McEnroe reflected on Andy Murray's intriguing psyche, noting, "I don't know whether it's because he comes from Scotland, and they always feel like the poor relations to England, or because of what happened to him when he was caught up in the Dunblane shootings...But there is something in there he uses to motivate himself. He is chippy. He has a bit of anger. He has something burning inside, and it drives him on...It's what gives him the strength to win."

SOME THINGS NEVER CHANGE: Mauresmo falling short at Roland Garros...Ilie Nastase mooning crowds...Hingis having problems with the game's elite players...Serena leaving you shaking your head...Federer amazing you.

TO EACH HIS OWN: Paradorn Srichaphan credited his great play at Indian Wells to Buddhist meditation...Navratilova said she stopped meditating because she "got too mellow"...Bulging young Rafa Nadal looks like he was made for a sleeveless muscle shirt. Agassi, 35, does not...In the NBA, they say to get the essence of a game, all you have to do is tune in the final two minutes. As for America's showing at the French Open, basically all you have to do is tune into the first two rounds...Andre said the one thing he would have changed in his career is to have started his charity foundation earlier...Mark Philippoussis said that the thing he'd change is that he would have started surfing earlier.

TO EACH HIS OWN—HOLLYWOOD DIVISION: John McEnroe suggested that we might get Serena, the Hollywood wannabe, to play Wimbledon if it were guaranteed that the winner would automatically receive cameo roles in at least two big-screen movies... When asked about becoming an actress, Sharapova quipped, "I can't imagine a career when I have to spend 70 percent of my time in a trailer eating Snickers."

THE BUZZ IN FOUR PARTS :: part 1 – Go to page:  |  1  |  2  |  3  |  4  |

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