When Piledriver Forehands Turn to Pattercakes

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QUICK!  WHERE’S THE NEAREST SALVATION ARMY?: Hugh MacDonald said that Andy Murray “walks with the gait of someone who has just realized he left his winning lottery ticket in the trousers he donated to the charity shop.”

HAPPY IN VICTORY/HAPPY IN DEFEAT: After falling to Sam Querrey in the Queen’s final 7-6(3), 7-5, Mardy Fish said of the laid-back Southern Californian, “Sometimes his sort of happy-go-lucky attitude is a good thing…He’s sort of happy either way, if he wins or loses.”

IF YOU NEED ME, JUST HALLE: Roger Federer inked a lifetime contract to play the Wimbledon tune-up in Halle, Germany.

THE WORST CONFERENCE CALL IN THE HISTORY OF ATHLETE CONFERENCE CALLS: Journalist Stephanie Myles called Venus Williams‘ Rogers Cup conference call “the worst conference call in the history of athlete conference calls…It was 10 minutes of our lives we’ll never get back. Actually, it was 40 minutes — Venus was a half-hour late.”

ANDY, HAVE YOU SEEN BIG BEN?: After his 6-4, 7-6(8) third-round loss to Israel’s Dudi Sela at the Aegon Championships in London, Andy Roddick was asked what he would do the rest of the week. Said the Texan, “I’m open for suggestions. We can put a ballot box here. You locals can inundate me with ideas if you like.”

NO SPLENDOR IN THE GRASS: After Caroline Wozniacki told the Daily Mail that grass is her favorite surface, the Aegon Classic’s top seed went out and dropped a first-round decision to Aravane Rezai 6-4, 1-6, 6-3.

LET’S GET TO THE MEAT OF THE ISSUE: On the online radio show “Open Tennis with Andres Borowiak & Wes Burrows,” Sam Querrey was asked to compare himself to a cut of meat.  Said the SoCaler, “Where I want to be is the filet.  Everyone loves the filet.  Every bite is good.  You know what you’re getting.  It’s a great piece of meat.  That’s what Roger Federer is — very consistent.  That’s what Rafael Nadal is.  They get a good bite every time.  Right now, I feel like I could be a rib eye.  You get the occasional great bite, but then sometimes you get those fatty edges that you don’t really like.”

HEADLINES

Hewitt Ends Federer Hoodoo at Long Last

Hair Today, a Jamaican Superstar Tomorrow? (regarding the dreadlocked and No. 105-ranked German-Jamaican Dustin Brown)

THE NUMBERS

15: Straight wins for Roger Fededer over Lleyton Hewitt until Sunday’s Halle final – a 3-6, 7-6(4), 6-4 victory for the Aussie.

17-8: Federer’s career head-to-head record against Hewitt.

QUOTEBOOK

“Fame is not something I would wish upon anyone.” — Andy Murray

“The last two years have thrown up a string of unconvincing world No. 1s — Ana Ivanovic, Dinara Safina, Jelena Jankovic — whose piledriver forehands turn to pattercakes at the first sign of a Serena Williams stare.” — Simon Briggs

“I had so many ways I could have got out.  I had so many excuses I could have made that it would have been easy to walk away. I could have said that no one else in tennis has ever come back from a serious rotator-cuff injury to their shoulder. I could have said I’ve made enough money to last me the rest of my life.” — Maria Sharapova

“It’s entirely possible that we’ll see an American player in the final of Wimbledon; there’s no news in that. But it won’t necessarily be Andy Roddick, and that does qualify as noteworthy.” — Peter Bodo