SAY IT ISN’T SO: Rafael Nadal, en route to victory in Madrid, played in standard shorts, not those capri pants we all grew to love so much.
THE WEALTHIEST BALLBOY IN DAVIS CUP HISTORY?: Goran Ivanisevic, who made almost $20 million in career earnings, noted, “I’ll be in Bratislava [for the Davis Cup final against Slovakia] one way or another — as a player, coach or ballboy.”
MELTED BUTTER GONE WILD!: When the Boston Lobsters came to Houston to play his WTT Wranglers, promoter extraordinaire Jim McInvale gave away 1,000 lobsters.
HEWEY’S NEW TONE: In his new bio written with Alan Trengrove, Todd Woodbridge, the son of a Sydney policeman, recounts the night he spent in jail with drug runners and feuding prostitutes during the confusion of the Atlanta Olympics. The recently retired doubles wiz contends that fellow Aussie Pat Rafter “was the most athletic volleyer of the past 25 years — perhaps of all time,” and, had he not retired so prematurely, he would have won Wimby. As for Hewitt, Woodbridge sees the feisty battler as a misunderstood, sensitive and maturing guy who adeptly socializes and deals well with losses. And, by the way, Hewey could soon face another loss. His one-time best mate, Aussie football icon Andre McLeod, is suing him to prevent the pre-Christmas distribution of an up-close-and-personal documentary, which includes footage of them taking in sacred aboriginal sites and ceremonies.
HAWK-EYE RISING: The ITF ruled that the electronic line-calling system Hawk-Eye has improved enough to meet their criteria. Still, they recommend site-specific testing at particular stadiums and the Aussie Open won’t be using it.
DEFENDING JIM COURIER: When the Tennis Channel asked Hall of Famer Jim Courier what he was thinking when, during a changeover at the ‘93 ATP Tour World Championships, he began to read Armistead Maupin’s Maybe The Moon, Courier replied, “Why not ask Arthur Ashe why he closed his eyes and meditated during the match at Wimbledon?” (Actually, New Age Magazine did ask Ashe just that. Ashe denied he was meditating.) Anyway, Courier continued, “Until I picked up the book, I was struggling. Some people look at girls to divert themselves. I’ve done some of that. People were surprised that tennis players could read. Plus, it wasn’t a John Grisham novel.”
WILL RODDICK DEFECT?: After a reporter first reminded Roddick that “Head to toe, you’re using French products, Babolat shoes and racket, Lacoste apparel.” He went on and asked, “Is that a coincidence, or are you going to defect?”
JUST WONDERING: Now that Serena has announced that she’s taking off the rest of the year, will she be able to regroup and remain competitive at the same level that she has in the past?...What will come first: Arlen Kantarian, Commissioner of Tennis, or Arnold Schwarzenegger, President of the United States?...Is Gil Reyes the coolest non-coach sideman since Muhammed Ali’s corner-man/confidante Bundini Brown?...When will tennis begin to mike players with some regularity (it could make for “must-hear” tennis)?
“THOSE ‘PRO-DOMICILE’ BILLBOARDS ARE QUITE MISLEADING. BUT THAT’S NOTHING; THE ‘PRO-RESIDENCE’ 30-SECOND SPOTS ARE OUTRIGHT DECEPTIVE”: There will soon be a vote of the USTA NorCal membership on whether their constitution should be changed so that a director of the group has to be “domiciled” in NorCal instead of the current rule, which says a director has to be a “resident” of NorCal. (Huh?)
MIRZA-MANIA ROLLS ON: India’s New Statesman wrote, “It is difficult to believe that a slender 18-year-old Muslim tennis player from India has the potential to change the world, but it is equally difficult to overestimate the effect Mirza is having on millions... Her fame is somewhere between Bollywood and the adulation that surrounds the Indian Cricket team.” By the way, last month, some Muslim commentators spoke out against Sania Mirza’s short tennis skirts, saying they would be a corrupting force. More recently, Muslim leaders in Bengal proclaimed that Sania should be left alone. “We respect that it is not possible to play international tennis dressed in long skirts...Why single out Sania for not adhering to Islamic customs.” The Calcutta Telegraph concluded, “There is no controversy over Mirza’s skirts. Period.” Stay tuned.
SILLY US; WE THOUGHT HE WAS TALKING ABOUT FEDERER: Newport Beach Breakers coach Dick Leach said Ramon Delgado [ranked No. 121] “was in a class by himself.”
SILLY US; WE THOUGHT HE WAS FLAWLESS: Roger Federer, who suffered from pulled ligaments, was forced to use crutches and missed the tournaments in Madrid and in his hometown of Basel, Switzerland.

CHECK OUT THESE NADAL AND FED FAX: Incredibly, Fed has now won 24 straight finals...He’s close to tying McEnroe’s best single-season match record: Fed’s at 77-3, Mac’s mark in ‘84 was 82-3. Fed’s 22 titles in two seasons is the most in back-to-back years since Lendl in ‘82-83. Of course, Raphael Nadal’s stats ain’t too shabby either. The Spaniard has collected 11 titles this year, the same as Fed, and won 79 matches, two more than the Swiss. Nadal and Fed have combined to win every major tourney this year except the Aussie Open.
ROGER’S SENSITIVE SIDE: Fed recently reflected in the New York Times on a memorable trip to South Africa: “There were little kids about 2 years old sitting in a box, with AIDS, who basically had no chance,” he recalled. They looked so cute, and you’re like, ‘Wow. What can I do? We went into the schools and saw happy kids singing and dancing and everything, how happy they were to see you. That makes you emotional again. You feel so welcome. For me, it’s seeing the happiness and sadness being so close together.”
HOW UPTIGHT CAN YOU GET?: Brad Gilbert said Sampras strung his rackets so tightly that “the strings would break while his rackets were still in his bag.”
YOU’VE COME A LONG WAY, BABY: The between-the-legs shot, once a jaw-dropping novelty pioneered by Gabriela Sabatini and Yannick Noah, is now a mainstay defensive shot in the repertoire of virtually every player.
YOU HAVEN’T COME A LONG WAY, BABY: James Blake was among a handful of African-American players, including Yankee Derek Jeter and Miami Dolphin Jason Taylor, to receive hate mail because they’re involved with white women. (P.S.: Both Blake and Jeter’s moms are white.)

TENNIS NATIONS
#5: SCOTLAND. Atop windswept glens, by barren moors or by deep lochs, tennis is sizzlin’ in Scotland as the young lad Andy Murray inspires many by continuing his improbable rise up the rankings ladder. He recently reached the final in Thailand before falling to (who else?) Federer.
#4: RUSSIA. Last year, Russian women won three Grand Slams and dominated the top 10...This year, none won Slams. Still, (despite the soap opera-like slings and arrows that permeate Russian tennis) they won the Fed Cup for the second straight year, thanks in large part to Elena Dementieva.
#3: VIETNAM. Once the site of war, Ho Chi Minh City recently hosted its first big tourney, won by Swede Jonas Bjorkman.
#2: CROATIA. The modest nation — population 4.5 million — downed Russia to reach the Davis cup final.
#1: SLOVAKIA. Dominic Hrbaty, who had just been ridiculed at the U.S. Open for his multi-holed pink outfit, led his homeland to the Davis Cup final, which they will host.
HONORABLE MENTION: INDIA. Sania Mirza is approaching Kournikovian heights on the subcontinent.
YET ANOTHER SUBTLE INSIGHT ON THE IMPACT OF REINCARNATION ON TENNIS: After a reporter noted that Leander Paes’ former partner turned bitter rival Mahesh Bhupathi recently won his ninth grand slam title, two more than Paes, and was considered by some to be India’s most successful player, Paes retorted: “There will always be some armchair experts who will make such uneducated comments...There can be no comparison between him and me. Let me put it this way: it would take Mahesh two or three lifetimes to achieve what I have.”
MALEEVA OR NOT, THEY’RE GONE: For the first time in 26 years, there won’t be a Maleeva on tour. Manuela and Katrina Maleeva’s littl’ sis, Maggie, has retired. Yes, most agree that the emergence of Venus and Serena, who came from Compton to dominate, was astonishing. But the fact that the three Bulgarian sisters emerged from such a previously “inconsequential” tennis nation and were simultaneously all in the top 15 in ‘92 is also an inspiration. Plus, all three scored wins over Navratilova, an indignity that prompted the icon to famously quip, “Well at least I never lost to the mother [Youlia, who also was their coach].”
NOW LET US REFLECT ON THE SAUCY ACCUSATION THAT SPICED UP THE MOTHER OF ALL TENNIS FEUDS: In Alison Weir’s bio of that singular pre-feminist redhead, Elizabeth I, the author gives us a close look at an on-court confrontation between Thomas Howard, Duke of Norfolk, and Robert Dudley, Earl of Leicester: “Fuelled by gossip, the feud was still simmering...[when] an ugly incident occurred at Whitehall, where the two were playing royal (real) tennis with the Queen looking on. Dudley, ‘being very hot and sweating, took Elizabeth’s napkin out of her hand and wiped his face’. Shocked at such disrespect, Norfolk lost his temper, accused Leicester of being ‘too saucy and swore that he would lay his racket upon his face.’ And he would have done so had not the Queen’s strident order made him desist.”
CAUTION — FOR THE SAKE OF HUMANITY, DO NOT READ THIS ITEM: Okay, the deeply religious Margaret Smith Court and Michael Chang, who both excelled on tour, are born-again Christians. But, until now, we’ve never heard of any tour player being a born-again Buddhist. But Thailand’s beloved hero soon may accomplish this feat. Translation: Paradorn Srichaphan is planning a weeklong break in November in order to take the vows and become a priest (which, in our jaded book, is good enough to call him a “Paradorn”-again Buddhist).
PARADE OF STARS?: Once beloved, now controversial comic Bill Cosby, while speaking at a community meeting in Compton, called for that city to have a celebratory parade for their two illustrious natives, Venus and Serena. [By the way, how about the City of Indian Wells also holding a parade for the sisters - just kidding.]
GO FIGURE: Ten months after Spain thumped the U.S. in the ‘04 Davis Cup final, Spanish coaches Jordi Arrese and Juan Bautista Avendano were fired and replaced by Emilio Sanchez, while America’s coach, Pat McEnroe, received a hefty contract extension. Both ‘04 Cup finalists lost in the first round this year, and their conquerors — Croatia and Slovakia — will now meet in the final. At least neither the U.S. nor Spain was demoted from the World Group and sent back to the D.C. minors...Croat Ivan Ljubicic is 9-0 in Davis Cup in ‘05...The U.S., which won the Fed Cup seven straight times between ‘76 and ‘82, hasn’t won the competition in five years...Russia’s tennis chief won’t honor Yevgeny Kafelnikov until he loses weight. The 31-year-old has gained more than 40 pounds since retiring in ‘04...Kafelnikov, who recently took up pro golf, finished last in the 155-strong, $500,000 Russian Open (he carded a 40-over 184!)...Roscoe Tanner — the former Wimbledon finalist turned charming rogue/hustler and problematic jailbird — who became a $75-an-hour teaching pro who embraced religion, still can’t keep it together after all these years. Reportedly, he sees his children only in court and he was recently arrested again in Chattanooga, Tenn., for violating his Florida parole... Tennis claimed two of the top spots in the London Sunday Times list of Sports’ Top 10 Odd Couples. Agassi and Barbra Streisand came in at No. 2 and the former Austrian star Thomas Muster and Princess Fergie were No. 6... After hearing rumors that claimed he was about to add Jim Pierce to his team as a kind of co-coach, Andy Roddick quipped that he knew Jim Pierce as well as he knows Pierce Brosnan. He added, “Of all the things that I ever heard about myself, this is the most laughable.”...October 15th was “Martina Navratilova Day” in the tony suburban mecca of Mill Valley ... Brit broadcaster John Barett noted that Raphael Nadal’s comeback from two sets down in the Madrid final was remarkable for its “shear cussedness” ... Reportedly, Maria Sharapova’s father Yuri does not allow his daughter to date guys who play guitar.
VIETNAMIZATION: As the ATP visited Vietnam, Bonnie DeSimone reported that, in the ‘60s, the courts near Tan Son Nhut Airport became the location of the first Army stockade in ‘Nam and served as a helicopter landing pad when Saigon was evacuated in’75. Unfortunately, the top player in Vietnam is ranked No. 1,411. Plus, tix to the ATP tourney cost $30 a shot in a country where the average worker pockets $50 a month. Reportedly, over the past seven years, about 4,000 courts have been built, and the country has more than 100,000 players.

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