STRANGERS IN THE NIGHT: When asked how he met Robert De Niro (who sat in his Friends Box) Novak Djokovic joked that they “met randomly on the street. I was sitting in a bar, he was coming in, smoking a cigarette.”

MEDIA HERO OF THE OPEN: Feel-good on-court commentator Michael Barkann, who coaxed Djokovic into doing his adept imitations.

POIGNANT MOMENTS: On opening night, in honor of Althea Gibson, Aretha Franklin rocks the house with her vintage version of “R-E-S-P-E-C-T”...The now-retired Justin Gimelstob kisses the Ashe Stadium court after playing his last singles match there...Roberta Vinci leaps with glee, offering ecstatic fist pumps after winning a game. But, then again, why not? At the time she was down 6-0, 5-0 against Sharapova...James Blake and Fabrice Santoro embrace after their epic five-set after-midnight classic...TV icon Walter Cronkite, 90 and frail, comes out for Super Saturday...The still-strutting Liza Minnelli sings New York, New York before the final.

‘DA NAKED TRUTH: Both Serena Williams and Patrick Rafter disrobed recently. Wearing nothing more than a pair of $600 Moschino high heels and holding some strategically placed flowers, Williams has her back to the camera with a hand covering her breast in Jane magazine’s final issue. When IT I asked about the photo, she teased, “I thought it was simply divine.” She also confided, “I’ll take off my shirt in a second.  Locker room girls don’t have much shame...Once I was getting ready to go out and my hitting partner, who is my best friend and, like, Greek-god-handsome, walked into my hotel room. It wasn’t awkward for me, but he freaked out. I told him we had to get married.” As for Pat Rafter, he stripped to plug a brand of socks. “The nicest guy in sports” had vowed that he would never pose nude, but conceded recently that family responsibilities won out. Plus, he insisted he was “not actually nude-nude. It’s more a matter of placing things in certain ways.” FATWA FAULT?: Why, as Jon Wertheim asked, did Sania Mirza draw the fatwa for indecent attire, not her risqué doubles partner, Bethanie Mattek? THE STRAW THAT STIRS THE MILKSHAKE: Does little ol’ Sania Mirza, with her mighty forehand, have a delightful penchant for risk-taking controversy or what? Not only is she an Indian Muslim playing tennis’ worldly circuit in skimpy (“where’s your Birka, you infidel”?) outfits, she chose to play dubs this summer, first with Israeli Shahar Peer and then with the exhibitionist extraordinaire Bethanie Mattek.

THE DAWNING OF A NEW AGE: Djokovic’s inspired, incredibly spontaneous imitations of Sharapova — with her prissy femininity and exaggerated ball bounce — and Rafa Nadal with his frantic obsessiveness and (in this case) X-rated wedgie-tugging, was not only a hilarious triumph, it marked the ascendance of a new Serbian-led era of joy which for now has superceded the grim, humorless, “focus at any cost” sensibility that was first ushered in by Ivan Lendl and fervently practiced by so many from Sampras and Hewitt to Nalbandian and Davydenko.

COME ON, WE SAID NO COACHING: The bubbly Jelena Jankovic chatted with Jerry Seinfeld during her match against Venus.

MASTERPIECE THEATRE:

• Bruce Jenkins suggested that when Federer is really in trouble, he “drifts into an almost dreamlike state, his every shot a casual masterpiece, his every move a beacon of anticipation.”

• Asked to comment on how McEnroe has changed, Mary Carillo said, “I used to think of him as someone who would spray graffiti over masterpieces, but the way he’s parlayed his reputation, he’s become cuddly. He’s become a real grown-up.”

LITERARY NOTES:

• After repeatedly falling short against Fed, Djokovic quipped, “My next book is going to be called, Seven Set Points.”

• After reflecting on James Blake’s new book, Shaun Powell asked, “Isn’t there a literary law that says you must have at least one victory in a major before writing your autobiography?” [Actually Arthur Ashe wrote a book before winning a major.]

• John Jeansonne said tennis is “like some jock version of ‘War and Peace.’ There are a great many characters caught up in plots covering the grand topics of youth, fame, future dreams, disappointment, age, retirement.”

• Jon Wertheim said the only player he spotted with a book at the Open was Serb Yanko (“Beauty Will Save the World”) Tipsaravic.

MOST CURIOUS NEW NICKNAMES:

• “Darth Federer,” for Federer.

• “Red Herring” for Sharapova, who’s snazzy red dress didn’t bring her much luck.

• “Thin Izzy” and “Grandpa” for tall, slow-moving John Isner.

ONE SPORT THAT’S REALLY GOING MICKEY MOUSE: When asked about being a father, Lleyton Hewitt confided, “I’m learning a lot about Mickey Mouse, Little Einstein and the Wiggles...In light of a gambling brouhaha and assorted other problems, ATP players will be going to the Disney University at Disney World to “be taught what our sport stands for and why it’s important to behave in an appropriate way.”

NOW LET US REFLECT ON DYLAN’S LEOPARD SKIN PILL BOX HAT: After Midwesterner Bethanie Mattek played in a daring leopard skin ensemble, a reporter asked her if the outfit was inspired by the iconic “leopard skin pillbox hat” lyric penned by her fellow Minnesotan Bob Dylan.

‘LIKE A RATTLESNAKE MEETS A SQUIRREL?’: After losing in her third straight major to Justine Henin, Serena said the only reason she came into her post-match press conference was because she could not afford to pay the fine she’d get if she didn’t do it. She added that Henin “made a lot of lucky shots.” Serena’s sullen and rude performance prompted Bill Dwyre to observe, “She met with the media afterward like a rattlesnake meets a ground squirrel. Her answers were more like hisses.”

HISTORICAL DEBATE OF THE MONTH: After being told of comments by broadcaster Mary Carillo that she and her sister Venus could have had a greater impact on tennis history if they had applied themselves more diligently, Serena quipped, “I think I’ve had a little more effect on tennis history than she has.”

MARY’S MAFIA MUSINGS: Rumors of Davydenko’s ties to the Russian mafia prompted Mary Carillo to recall broadcasting the ‘95 Davis Cup final from Moscow. “We were paying off [everybody]. It was a joke how many hands were out just for them to turn on the electricity...We’d already greased them. That’s the deal over there. The Russian mafia has been around hockey forever, and figure skating. Obviously, they were a big part of the Salt Lake City scandal, with the pairs [skating]. Yevgeny Kafelnikov got into some gambling problems. Andrei Medvedev — that poor guy, who was such a wonderful character and a really fine player...Now I’ve heard very sad stories about what happened to him because he got mixed up with those boys. There’s a very scary undercurrent of gambling in all sports.”

SOMETHING SMELLS: After winning his four-hour, 44-minute match over Radek Stepanek, Novak Djokovic told the crowd, “I can smell my shoes and they are so stinky”...Of the current gambling shenanigans, Lisa Dillman wrote, “At the moment, something smells, and it isn’t just sweaty wristbands.”

HOUSTON, I THINK WE HAVE A PROBLEM: When asked about tennis’ guidelines on gambling, Dutchman Robin Haase said, “I don’t even know the rules or the laws because I don’t even care.”

YEAH, AND AL CAPONE WAS FAMOUS TOO: After being implicated in a gambling scandal the low-profile/charisma free Nikolay Davydenko said the controversy would make him more well-known. When asked if he knew anyone in the Russian Mafia he noted, “I don’t know really guys from Russian Mafia...Maybe if you go to Brooklyn you find Russian Mafia here in New York.”

WHAT YOU WON’T SEE: Here our favorites from ESPN’s list of top 10 things you won’t see at the U.S. Open:

•“A Kevin Curren Appreciation Night: Kev, the dour South African who cheerily suggested they drop an A-bomb on the National Tennis Center when it first opened in ‘78.”

• “Elena Dementieva winning the toss and electing to serve.”

• “An impeccably-dressed and coiffed representative of a major U.S. Open sponsor who actually pronounces a foreign player’s name correctly during the awards ceremony.”

• “An usher who says: ‘No, thank you, we don’t charge for allowing fans to move down into a prime box seat.’”

SUCH A LUCKY GUY: After Federer whipped him, Nicolay Davydenko said, “Federer’s always lucky.”

IF IT’S TRUE, IT AIN’T BRAGGING: Navratilova was less than pleased when no broadcasters came calling for her services at the U.S. Open. Martina told Newsday, “It’s mind-boggling. When you have a football team and Joe Montana becomes available, you don’t say, ‘Oh, we already have a quarterback,’ but that’s exactly what happened.” [NOTE: Montana was a lousy NFL broadcaster.] Martina added, “I think the commentary is too vanilla. I’d like to put some hot chili peppers in there. Maybe they’re afraid...” Navratilova added, “I’m the greatest of all time. That’s what everyone else says, so who am I to argue? The numbers don’t lie. What was it Muhammad Ali said? ‘If it’s true, it ain’t bragging.’”

SAY IT ISN’T SO: Mary Carillo described Roddick’s forehand as “middle of the pack,” and added, “A lot of players have caught on to Andy’s game”...When putting on part of the roof at Wimbledon (which required the single strongest crane of all Britain) part of Centre Court reportedly cracked...This is the first time in 19 years that no American man has reached the final of any of the four majors.

BETWEEN A RODDICK AND A HARD PLACE: The fate of Andy Roddick drew sympathy and humor. Mike Lopresti asked, “If tennis is one big Sunday brunch for Federer, poor Roddick is the Eggs Benedict.” He added, “Who can condemn Roddick? He’s banging his head against the Great Wall of Switzerland.” Still, no matter what he does to conquer Mt. Roger, he never seems to ‘summit.’ But you have to give Roddick credit for his fierce determination and perseverance.

BREAKING UP IS HARD TO DO: Filip Bondy wrote this “Dear John” letter to Roddick (who the last time we checked was a pretty fair player): “Now, we must regretfully inform you: We decided to break up with you... Hey, it’s not you, it’s us. You’ve done your best, always have. You try so hard, it hurts. You’ve grunted and smacked the ball very hard and appeared on many TV commercials, some without a shirt. You’ve had solid results, enough to keep your ranking in the top five. You hold funny press conferences. You hired the Jimbo-nator...But we can’t endure your tennis anymore, that snappy first serve and those artless ground strokes. For the past four years, since you won the U.S Open, we waited for you to find your muse and inspiration. You captured no major trophies. You demonstrated little finesse. You won’t play doubles to sharpen those volleys, and that net game you keep talking about never really materialized.”

EMOTIONAL RESCUE 101: After a win, Roddick was asked if he had “gotten into an emotional rhythm.” Andy shot back, “An emotional rhythm? You sound like my therapist.”

INTERMEDIATE EMOTIONAL RESCUE: McEnroe admitted he missed his vintage temper tantrums from the old days: “I don’t want any more dispute resolutions,” he said. “Even I have been suckered into it.”

HOW TO BEAT ROGER: These desperate times of Federerian dominance have spurred countless theories on how to beat Roger. Some are deep-think. Dr. Roland Carlstedt, chairman of the Board of American Sport Psychology, told the New York Times that Roger might have the ideal competitive profile, but (hallelujah) “there are still minor vulnerabilities...including the tendency to know it all, lessened coachability and annoyance with those who dare challenge or contest athletes with this profile. These characteristics may explain why Federer has been without a coach for much of his career — something that could eventually haunt him by preventing him from conceptualizing ideal game plans...The best way of increasing the odds that a player could beat Federer would be to prime him psychologically…to carry out a meticulously and scientifically based game plan that is designed to expose Roger’s minute weaknesses.”

But we prefer a simpler approach from the ol’ Tonya Harding school, for instance. Diego Ayala, who beat kid-Fed in a long-forgotten junior match 11 years ago, suggested bribing stringers to give him a lousy string job or creating roadblocks to trap him in the Midtown Tunnel en route to the Open. Jelena Jankovic’s notion was even simpler: “[I] would wear a short skirt, and hopefully that would distract him.”

CAN YOU BELIEVE IT? THIS GUY EVEN MAKES LOSING LOOK EASY: A while after losing to Djokovic in Montreal, Federer told Liz Robbins: “It’s good sometimes to lose. You start new. Like last week, people talk, people think. One week later, you’ve won and everything is okay again. There was nothing to be worried about.”

A GAME WITHOUT GAMESMANSHIP?: Reflecting on the almost deferential approach of many toward Federer, George Vecsey noted, “If the naughty Jimbo had run into a serene force like Federer during his career, he would have aggressed the gracious Swiss or upended the potted flowers at center court or bent the rules about bathroom breaks or trainer visits, just to disrupt the flow.”

HILL ENVY: So what has been Tim Henman’s impact on tennis? Well, when the emerging prospect Donald Young was asked about his place in the game, he quipped “I don’t have a hill...I don’t have a Donald Hill.”

DRAW DRAMAS: Fed is both good and lucky. At Wimbledon, when his foes had to wait and wait through rain delays, Roger rested at home for six straight days. The six players below Fed in the U.S. Open were five qualifiers and a wildcard... In three of the last four years, Scoville Jenkins has had the pleasure of drawing Nadal, Roddick and Federer in the first round...When Jenkins was struggling during his first-round match against the world No. 1, a fan yelled to him, “It’s only Federer!”

WAKE UP AND SEE THE LIGHT: ESPN commentator Rob Parker said that Justine Henin “could come in here and change every light bulb in the studio and I wouldn’t know who she was.”

SAY WHAT?: When asked how he felt after a weekend match stretched late into the night, James Blake confided that he “felt the same way I usually do on a Saturday night at 1 a.m.”

MONKEY BIZ: After winning a five-setter for the first time in 10 tries, Blake gestured as if removing something from his back and quipped, “There used to be a monkey there, but it isn’t anymore.” Two matches later James was bumped out of the Open by Tommy Haas, in five sets of course.

QUICK, CALL STEVE BARTMAN: Art Spander called Blake “The Chicago Cubs of tennis.”

THERE’S ALWAYS A CATCH: Asked about her attraction to baseball, Svetlana Kuznetsova said, “I like the hats. I know the rules more or less. If you hit it far, you’ve got to go and run. But then another one catches.”

‘HEY, YOU GET OUT OF MY FACE’: After defaulting her semi in New Haven to Svetlana Kuznetsova, Elena Dementieva approached her fellow Russian, shook her hand and told her, “I feel like throwing up.” Kuznetsova promptly responded, “Go away from me. Move out.”

JUST LET HER PLAY: Coaching whiz Robert Lansdorp told IT that when he was working with Sharapova, he asked Maria, “How in hell can you play when your dad is constantly telling you what to do? How can you concentrate? She replied, ‘It’s very difficult.’ I said, ‘Why don’t you just tell him that?’

CONNECTING THE DOTS: After spotting Sharapova (along with Robert De Niro) in Djokovic’s Friends Box, S.L. Price noted that the last time an elite level woman’s champ came to see a guy play a U.S. Open final (that would be Steffi Graf, who sat up in the bleachers to watch Agassi) the two got hitched a little while later.

ISNER IS IN THE (ANIMAL) HOUSE: Bud Collins observed, “Looking like a guy at a fraternity party (green madras Bermudas, polo shirt, baseball cap labeled “G — National Champs”), John Isner is as happy as a keg-tapper.”

TALL ORDER: After towering Isner his a record-breaking 144 aces in Cincy, Tommy Haas suggested that there be a rule: “If you are over 6-foot-6, you should not be allowed to play.”

DAVE AND GOLIATH: 6-foot-9 Isner, lost the NCAA Championship to Virginia’s Somdev Devarmen, who’s 5-foot-7.

WEDGIE TIME: Rafa Nadal reflected on his tendency to pull on the back of his shorts, telling Time Magazine, “It’s not the fault of the clothes. It’s a habit that I picked up when I was young. I am trying to break the habit, but it’s not easy.”

BLACK BEAUTY REDUX: Svetlana Kuznetsova dubbed her quarterfinal opponent Agnes Szavay “a black horse.”

A PATCH OF BAD JUDGEMENT: Officials said Serena couldn’t look at her own notes that she brought on court and they also removed an American flag patch from Coco Vandeweghe’s shirt. In both cases, they admitted later that they were wrong.

NO TERRORISM JOKES IN THE AIRPORT PLEASE: When U.S. Open fans jokingly offered a linesman $10 to change a line call, officials swooped in to control the incident.

SIGN OF THE TIMES: As Mardy Fish proceeded on a long overdue run at New Haven, a sign hanging from the upper facade read: “The Fish Tank.”

JUSTIN CASE YOU WANT A LAST DOSE OF GIMELSTOB: Here are a few farewell gems from the now retired Justin Gimelstob.

• “When I’m 80, I’m going to be a mature person.”

• When asked about the high point of his career, he quipped, “Just a lot averageness.”

• “Usually what I do when I get up two sets to love is tank the third and fourth and have just enough energy to hang on in the fifth.”

• Roddick described Justin as “Sexy, a good kisser...[who] enjoys a good cuddle.”

THANK GOD FOR THE STATUTE OF LIMITATIONS: Roddick revealed that as a kid, he sneaked into the U.S. Open player’s lounge and stole a piece of a cheesecake.

WE REMEMBER KIMMY: Jelena Jankovic and Svetlana Kuznetsova, among others, unleashed some awesome splits, but nothing that could match Kim Clijsters’ dexterity.

C’MON, GUYS, GET IT RIGHT: They always seem to screw up the U.S. Open awards ceremony. When Justine Henin won her first Open title, inexplicably, they called her Christine. This year, Dick Enberg referred to her as Justine Henin-Hardenne, the name she used while she was married. But she skipped the Aussie Open this year to heal the pain of her divorce. Enberg was also criticized last year when he focused on Tiger Woods during the awards ceremony. This year, he mangled Djokovic’s name. But USTA Prez Jane Brown Grimes saved the day with her touching comment to Djokovic: “You may not have won the match, but you’ve won our hearts.”

TED ON FED: After Federer scored a crucial break of Roddick’s serve, broadcaster Ted Robinson noted, “That was a Yogi Berra moment. It just got late early.” During another fabulous Fed performance, Robinson observed, “What the fans saw tonight was Pavarotti, Baryshnikov or Yo Yo Ma.” He added that he had “never seen Federer breathe hard.”

OVER/UNDER: Will another guy under six feet ever win another major? (The last one to do so was 5-foor-9 Gaston Gaudio at the ‘04 French Open.) Or will a seven-footer ever win a major? (The tallest players to win an Open era major were Marat Safin and Goran Ivanisevic, at 6-foor-4.)

HOW TIMES CHANGE: It used to be that the fun go-to stat was the speed of Roddick’s serve or the decibels of Sharapova’s shrieks. Now it’s how many times Djokovic bounces the ball before he serves.

AND PUT A STAMP ON IT: While previewing one men’s match, Jim Courier claimed one wannabe had “to push his game to the envelope.”

HEADLINES

J-BLOCKED

BLAKE TAKES THE FIFTH

FISH TO GET ANOTHER SHOT AT ‘IVO

EMPIRE’

DAVYDENKO BETTING HE’LL CLEAR

HIS NAME

HUMILITY, THY NAME IS...HINGIS?

MCENROE, MELLOWING FROM SUPERBRATTY TO CUDDLY

NADAL IS STUCK BETWEEN A ROCK AND

A HARD COURT

WILLIAMS NEEDS ETIQUETTE LESSON

SERENA’S BEST SHOTS ARE CHEAP ONES

MAKING THE BELGRADE

SERB YOUR ENTHUSIASM

DID ANDY EMERGE AT THE WRONG TIME?

STROKES OF GENIUS

IT’S ALL ROGER AND OUT

CAROL KING ON POWER AND COURAGE: For years, the USTA asked Carol King, the leading female singer-songwriter of our era, to perform at the U.S. Open. After all, the Brooklyn native went to college in Queens, performed at Carnegie Hall and once attracted a crowd of 100,000 to Central Park. But King always declined. This year, on the eve of the release of a new CD Welcome to My Living Room in October, she accepted. “It’s a thrill to be here,” she told IT. “We all watch this place on TV the world over, and for me to be playing at the end of the stadium where you see the players all the time is very exciting.” King, who earlier in the day visited ground zero to back legislation supportive of 9/11 workers, spoke of “my sister Billie [Jean King]. I admire her tremendously. She’s been such a force for showing the world that women have power. I have a song “Girl Power” that I’m going to perform that was inspired, in part, by her. Billie Jean’s courage in taking on Bobby Riggs was phenomenal. She gave inspiration not only to athletes, but to women in all walks of life.” Before the woman’s final, King rocked the USTA King National Tennis Center with three memorable songs.

QUESTIONS:
• “Will you ever win Wimbledon.” — The first press question asked of Justine Henin after she won the Open.

• “Why would I buy tennis lessons?” — John McEnroe

• “Did you throw the match? — To Nikolay Davydenko

• “What has been the biggest enemy in your career, your mind or your body?” — To Marat Safin

• “Do you still think about that tray of vodka that was wheeled into the press conference after you won the ‘00 U.S. Open.” — To Marat Safin

TENNIS IN THE GARDEN: Federer admitted he would really like to break Sampras’ record of 14 majors and thinks about it a lot. Arguably the two best players in the history of the game, will play three exhibitions this fall in pricey Asian ports of call and then at Madison Square Garden on March 10.

THE NUMBERS:

10 - Consecutive Grand Slam finals Federer has now appeared in, a new record

4 - Years back to back, Federer has won the U.S. Open and Wimbledon

11 - The name of the new clothing line launched by Venus, the first two numbers of her childhood home in Compton, and the number of weeks she was ranked No. 1

$19.98 - The most expensive item in Venus’ clothing line

1:50 a.m. - Time the fourth-round Ferrer vs. Nadal match ended on Sept. 4

129 mph - speed of the record-setting serve Venus unleashed in the first round

34 - Aces served by John Isner in his first-ever Grand Slam match

76% - Nadal’s winning percentage on hard courts

97% - Nadal’s winning percentage on clay courts

61 - Santoro’s Grand Slam appearances

16 - Number of Grand Slams since an American has won

1-21 - Combined record of Roddick and Blake against Federer

721,087 - Record number of attendees at U.S. Open

0 - Number of rain drops that fell in Flushing Meadows

 

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