HUMAN: After Roger won Wimbledon, he put his signature long white pants on backwards.

MAKES SENSE TO US: Boris Becker noted that Wimbledon had “to start to build Centre Court. Otherwise, they won’t finish it.”

YOU KNOW YOU’RE IN BRITAIN WHEN: After the first aid people put on a Band-Aid, they fill out an 18-part form... The radio features a detailed history of Wimbledon tarps and court coverers... There’s a radio contest with the winner’s prize being the “cursed” wristband Andy Murray wore when he injured his wrist...Folks on the renowned queue are given a 36- page “Guide to Queueing for the Championships” which, among many other things, advises “please have regard for our neighbors and others by adopting reasonable social behavior at all times”... Whirlpool washing machine ads use Amelie Mauresmo and Justine Henin as sex objects... 53 writers attend a Naomi Cavaday press conference...BBC details how 500 oaks were used to build each of two remaining 13th-century barns in the midlands... A reporter asks Tatiana Golovin, “Excuse me, can I ask you about your knickers?”

‘A FARRAGO OF OBFUSCATION’: The St. Petersburg Times’ Gary Shelton was impressed with English meteorology, claiming “the British are a lot better at forecasting the presence of rain than they are at forecasting the presence of weapons of mass destruction.” But the London Telegraph’s Steve Bierley contended that the weather bureau’s reports were “a farrago of obfuscation. Try this one: ‘As the showers are moving slower there may be longer dry periods.’”

EASY STREET: The London Telegraph suggested, “Certainly Federer’s route to the final was hardly anymore than lounging around on the sidelines in his Gatsbyesque white blazer and flannels while keeping one nonchalant eye on proceedings over the top of his newspaper.”

FEDERER CHANGES ALL THAT: Robert Philip noted, “There is a scene in [the play] The Third Man in which Orson Welles’ character Harry Lime observes: ’In Italy, for 30 years under the Borgias, they had warfare, terror, murder, bloodshed, yet they produced Michelangelo, Leonardo da Vinci and the Renaissance. In Switzerland, they had 500 years of brotherly love, democracy and peace. What did that produce? The cuckoo clock...”

BUT WHAT ABOUT GANDHI AND CHURCHILL?: After noting that the men’s final “looked as if Rambo was taking on Fred Astaire,” Simon Barnes noted that Federer “gave us his own Rambo, as well as his Fred. What’s more, he threw in D’Artagnan, Houdini, Picasso, Lao-Tzu and Dr. Strange. He can be as mellifluous as Noel Coward, as harsh as Bob Dylan. He can be as canny as Ulysses, as defiant as Hercules, as brilliant as Einstein, as brutal as Genghis Khan...[but ultimately], it was the revelation of a character trait that very few possess. Call it the instinct for championship: the understanding of oneself not just as mere winner but as the best of all. It is something so powerful that it more or less guarantees the occasional miracle.”

WHO’S BURIED IN GRANT’S TOMB: On July 4th, Radio Wimbledon had a contest which asked what country has won the most Davis Cups and then offered the following clues: Players from this country include McEnroe, Sampras and Agassi. It’s just below Canada, and its national anthem is the Star Spangled Banner.

AND THE ‘RAGE AGAINST THE MACHINE’ MEDALLION GOES TO...: Federer is from Switzerland where they supposedly adore all things mechanical, yet Hawk-eye plus Nadal’s bully forehand are about the only things that get under the cool guy’s skin. During the final, Rog asked that Hawk-Eye be turned off and snapped, “How in the world was that ball in. S—-. Look at the score now. Hawk-Eye is killing me.”

VIDAL SASSOON LIFETIME AWARD FOR STYLIN’ HAIR: In his hey-day, his Bjorn Borg’s shoulder-length, blonde locks were the stuff of legend. But the disco king turned boomer cool guy is now sporting a flowing, silky, silver mane that is more stunning than ever. (BTW: Was that a $400 haircut?)

GEE, I THOUGHT SHE WAS BORN IN COMPTON: When talking about hairstyles, Venus said she was “born in braids.”

BJORN AGAIN: When Borg was asked to reflect back on his early retirement in ‘81, when his domination was waning and his privacy was being continually invaded, the Swede confided, “It was no fun anymore. There were so many things I wanted to do, places to visit, people to meet. It was my rebirth as a human being.”

PRICEY COMMENTARIES: After noting that London is incredibly pricey, Boris Becker quipped, “Thank God I won a couple of titles here, otherwise I would be bankrupt”... Serena claimed she temporarily gave up shopping because London’s so expensive.

RIGHT—WE’LL PUT THEIR CLOTHES BACK ON—RATHER PROMPTLY: When asked about Wimbledon streakers, Police Superintendent Peter Dobson reassured the worried public, saying, “We have a robust plan for dealing with them.”

LEAST FITTING COMMENTARY OF THE FORTNIGHT: Sue Mappin noted that, “With Nadal, you get all that crouch plucking... I don’t know what his undergarments are, but they obviously don’t fit properly.”

‘AFFLUENCE-ENZA’ EPIDEMIC STRIKES: John McEnroe confided, “[My kids] suffer from a disease called ‘affluence-enza.’ They have it too easy. They don’t want it enough.”

NO “AFFLUENCE-ENZA” EPIDEMIC IN BRATISLAVA: Barry Flatman contended that, “Few British parents could be so cold and calculating as their contemporaries in Moscow, Prague, Bratislava or Belgrade who are prepared to break up the family unit and pack their tearful eight- or nine-year-olds off to some far flung destination in the hope of potential wealth. But softheartedness is undeniably a major factor in the current British plight.”

OF LOVE AND MARRIAGE: After Nadal’s 92.5-hour third-round match, one press room wag quipped, “I’ve had shorter frigging marriages than that match.”... What’s up with Florida WTAers and PGA golfers? Venus is dating Hank Kuehne. Chris Evert’s beau is Greg Norman.

RITUAL MATTERS: The three most “distinctive” player rituals we spotted were Marion Bartoli’s hip-hop routine, Nadal’s wedgie plucking and Novak Djokovic bouncing the ball up to 20 times before serving.

THE GLORY OF GOD: A church in Wimbledon village displayed a sign which read, “[And] God made Roger Federer.”

JUST WONDERING: Will Fed beat Nadal at the French before Nadal beats him at Wimby?...Was this year’s men’s final the most compelling since the days of the Borg and McEnroe era?...Will the Fed-Rafa rivalry soon equal the Sampras-Agassi rivalry?...Will Fed equal Sampras‘ record of 14 majors by the ‘08 Wimby or U.S. Open?...Do the Williams sisters know how to step it up on the big stage or what?...What’s cooler, to have Connors, Tiger, Borg, Pierce Brosnan or Graf in your Friends Box?...Is Marion Bartoli’s hippity-hop kangaroo leap ritual the most distinctive since McEnroe’s sway ‘n blast serving routine?...Was Bartoli’s victory over Henin the most stunning Wimby upset since Jelena Dokic beat defending champ Martina Hingis in the first round in ‘99?...Is Venus, as McEnroe claims, the greatest grass-court player ever?...Since Mac and Borg were both on Centre Court during the women’s final, why, during a long timeout, didn’t they just bring the duo down on court for a quick hit?...Has a top player ever suffered more delays and interruptions than Nadal, whose third-round match had eight different startups and stretched over five soggy days?...Pound for pound, is Henin the best player ever? And after Monica Seles, is she the best woman never to’ve won Wimby?...What if Federer’s and Sampras’ careers overlapped more than they did?...How come the world’s best male left-handers - Nadal, Fernando Verdasco and Feliciano Lopez — are Spaniards?

THE WRATH OF GOD: Our favorite Wimby letter to the editor came from Peter Croft of Cambridge [England], who railed: “Farmers, gardeners and everyone else who works outside have to look at the sporting calendar and allow for two midsummer weeks of bucketing rain, sleet, snow, hail and thunder and lightning...I’m just waiting for the bishop to declare that this weather is God’s judgment on us for playing the game so badly.”

SAY IT ISN’T SO: During the Wayne Arthurs-Thiemo DeBakker match, fans chanted bull—— ...Jonas Bjorkman said thieves have been striking the locker room at Wimbledon and other majors.

A TALE OF TWO FEET: Maria Sharapova claimed, “If you hammered a nail through my foot, it would hurt - but it wouldn’t stop me playing.” In contrast, after Novak Djokovic suffered a blister on his pinky toe, he became the first player to default from a Wimby semi. The move didn’t please Tracy Austin, who quipped, “If you’re breathing, you go for it, babe.”

IN SEARCH OF [MARDY] FISH? Sue Mott noted, “Yesterday at Wimbledon looked like a night on the deck of a North Sea fishing trawler.”

CHANGING TIMES: After a week end of enthralling play transformed the soggy mindset at Wimbledon, Neil Harman asked, “Where are those worst-ever Wimbledon headlines now?” he asked, “Two days after the players appeared to be one short of forming a lynch mob...the old place came alive to the sound of heroism, mighty matches and glorious shot-making.”

TIM VS. TONY COMPARISON OF THE MONTH: Mark Hodgkinson contended that, “The [Tony] Blair Years have pretty much coincided with the [Tim] Henman years...but unlike Henman, Blair never had the middle classes willingly sleep rough on the streets of London.”

LIVING THE GOOD LIFE: Brit and former Cal star Clare Curran confided, “I spend most of the time in the locker room annoying other players.” Of the 606 entrants in the BBC’s contest on “The Best Ways to Get into Wimbledon,” we thought that posing as or a strawberry farmer or as “what’s-hername- ovic’s coach from Croatia” were good. But our favorite was to be “the underwear supplier to Nadal with a new batch of nonstick pants.”

POT CALLING THE KETTLE BLACK COMMENTARY: Nikolay Davydenko, who is the least charismatic ‘top 10er’ in years, claimed “Wimbledon is the world’s most boring tournament.”

NOT SUCH A SHABBY CROWD: Past men’s Wimby champs Borg, Mac, Jimbo, Becker, Jack Kramer, Pat Cash, Neale Fraser, Manuel Santana, Michael Stich and Budge Patty (plus Billie Jean King, Martina Navratilova, Virginia Wade, Angela Mortimer, et al) were all in attendance for the men’s final.

WAVY GRAVY: When Wimbledon fans began the Wave during the woman’s final, Marion Bartoli, Billie Jean and Navratilova all joined in. Margaret Thatcher, Borg, and Venus and Richard Williams declined.

SACRILIGE: The conventional wisdom was simple: since there was no roof on Centre Court this year, it would certainly lose its cathedral- like sanctity. But once you overcame the shock of the change, you noticed a lively, more open and spontaneous atmosphere. As Eleanor Preston noted, “If you open up the stadium, you also open people’s emotions.” And BTW, maybe it was no accident that the best two finals in eons were this year’s instant classic, when there was no roof, and the ‘01 Goran Ivanisevic-Pat Rafter clash, when they opened Wimbledon on Monday to all-comers.

WIMBLEDON’S FINE LINE: Jon Wertheim noted that “[Wimbledon’s] organizers did themselves no favors by stubbornly favoring ritual over common sense. As a result we saw just how fine a line there is between charm and obsolescence.”

SHOCKING CHANGE: We used to think that the U.S. Open ball boys were the most athletic support group in tennis. Now, after a heroic fortnight of work, we think the Wimbledon court-coverers are just as good.

ROCKET SCIENCE: Sue Mott noted that Venus “is the only living sportswoman who departs on space missions without the aid of a rocket.”

LOWEST OF THE LOWS: Roddick has suffered many an early-round humiliation at the French Open. His loss to Fed in his first Wimby final was crushing, and his first-round setback at the ‘05 U.S. Open as American Express trumpeted his “mojo” in a massive ad campaign was embarrassing. And let’s not even talk Davis Cup. Still, he said his 8-6 in the fifth set quarterfinal loss to Richard Gasquet was as tough to take as any of his recent losses. “It’s another lost opportunity at Wimbledon,” Andy admitted. “I’d love to make you understand what it feels like in the pit of my stomach right now.”

NO WONDER TIGER WASN’T IN HIS FRIENDS BOX AT THE U.S. OPEN: Roddick confessed he’s not quite up to par when it comes to golf: “Every time I play, I’ve got to buy a new set of clubs. It’s not relaxing. I go mental...I haven’t reached the point in my life where I have the patience it takes to play golf. And I don’t have the pants.”

BOND ISSUES: Wimbledon and James Bond have a thing going on. First, five-time Wimbledon doubles champion Pam Shriver married former 007 George Lazenby. Then, last year, Scottish patriot Sean Connery was on hand when his countryman Andy Murray stirred the Wimbledon pot. This year, Bond villainess Grace Jones watched the finals, but it was tennis fan and former James Bond, Pierce Brosnan, who stole the show. Immediately after her stunning semifinal win over Justine Henin, Marian Bartoli surprised us all by reporting that the match turned around when she spotted Brosnan in the Royal Box. “It was so stressful, the first time on Centre Court, so hard for me. But then I saw Pierce, who is one of my favorite actors. I said , it’s not possible to play so bad in front of him. So I try to feel the ball a bit more, play more smartly. I saw he was cheering, so I said, ‘Oh maybe it’s good.’ I kept going and won, a little bit for Pierce Brosnan.” The next day, after she lost the final, Bartoli put things in perspective, sighing, “It’s not such a bad day when Pierce Brosnan leaves flowers for you.”…Speaking of Bond issues, James Blake said that Barry Bonds will “go down as the greatest home run hitter ever…It’s really unfortunate for him if he is clean. If he’s not clean, it’s really unfortunate for baseball.”

ON YOUR LEFT IS WESTMINSTER ABBEY, CREATED JUST NINE CENTURIES BEFORE ROGER PERFECTED HIS CROSS COURT FOREHAND: Reflecting on the seemingly unfair advantage Federer got with his five days of rest mid-way through Wimby, Roddick said “We’ve been stuck in the locker room and he’s been chilling out, taking the double-decker red bus thing tour.”

WE’RE GLAD SOMEONE DOES: Venus confided, “I have over-achievement issues.”

GEE, ALL I GOT NEAR MINE IS MY STINKING ALARM CLOCK: Venus keeps her trophy from the ‘05 Wimbledon creates many a “bond”—from Brosnan and Bonds, to Sean and Shriver. Wimbledon, when she dramatically beat Lindsay Davenport, by her bed.

‘YOU CAN DISAGREE WITH ME, BUT YOU’LL BE WRONG’ COMMENTARY OF THE MONTH: Serena contended that when she’s playing well, she’s the best in the world and added that, “It’s not even a belief. It’s more of a fact.”

WHATEVER YOU SAY: Up until Serena’s stunning run to victory at the Aussie Open, critics were all but running her and Venus out of the game. But now, miracle of miracles, we didn’t exactly hear a chorus of doubters after Venus asserted that she and her sister “have the game and…ability to be No. 1 and No 2 in the world again.”

IS IT COACHING?: When you sit near Serena during a tense Venus match this is what you hear:
● “You got her, V.”
● “Stay down, stay low, look at it.”
● “Keep your elbows up, too.”
● “Way to go, it’s your serve.”
● “Go, V. Keep it up.”

HUMBLE PIE: Deep into the four biggest tournaments so far this year — The Aussie and French Opens, Wimbledon and Miami — Sharapova has been blown out by Serena (twice), Ana Ivanovic and Venus by a cumulative game score of 48-13.

OKAY TENNIS, YOU STAND FOREWARNED: Sharapova vowed, “I’m going to strengthen my upper body, then watch out.”

“AN EMBARRASSING CHEESE BALL OF A SHOW:” By the dreary standard set by most reality shows, Mark Philippoussis’ “The Age of Love” is a decent enough offering. But that didn’t stop critics from trashing the new dating show. The Detroit Free Press cautioned viewers to “say good-bye to your brain cells” if they chose to watch. The NY Post said it was an “embarrassing... cheese ball of a show. Love is a number [which] in tennis equals zero, which is about what I’d score ‘Age of Love.’” The Washington Post added that, “We get references to so many ticktocking biological clocks, you wonder if the show has a fertility doctor on retainer.” By the way, Philippoussis (who is the only guy we know who’s been romantically linked to both Paris Hilton and Anna Kournikova) was asked about the subject of love when he was 19. He responded, “I don’t know, but I’ve heard rumors that it’s wild.”

THE MONICA FACTOR: Seles never won Wimbledon, but the Serbian native inspired her countrywoman Ana Ivanovic. Her double-fisted strokes were a model for Marion Bartoli, and her shrieking laid the grunt work [whoops, we meant groundwork] for a couple of generations of hollerers.

DAVE BRINGS DOWN GOLIATH AGAIN: On match point in the fifth set of his opening-round match, shotmeister Fabrice Santoro — 5-foot- 9 — hit a seeing-eye “up in the clouds” lob to beat towering Ivo Karlovic, who’s a foot and an inch taller than he is.

NUMEROLOGY 101: Marion Bartoli, the most surprising Grand Slam finalist in a generation, was a 1,000-1 long shot...Wimbledon’s Centre Court will have a stretch of four years with four different looks: with roof (‘06), without roof (‘07), with partial roof (‘08), with full retractable roof (‘09)... Sharapova broke her old mark of 102.7 decibels with a shriek of 103.7 decibels, the equivalent of a pneumatic drill.

BRYANS CAUGHT IN THE NET: Bob and Mike Bryan hadn’t lost a set going into the Wimby final and appeared to be heading for their second AELTC title against the Frenchmen Arnaud Clement and Michael Llodra. But in the second set, when ump Lars Graff ruled that Bob touched the net, the Bryans lost focus and Clement and Llodra broke, and promptly seized the momentum and took a 6-7, 6-3, 6-4, 6-4 victory. The twins were angry. “This is the Wimbledon final. Lars, so no monkey business,” one brother was quoted as saying. “You can change the course of history with one bad call, and you are doing that. They are going to show this over and over again on TV and you are going to look stupid.”

WIMBLEDON RATINGS UP: The ratings for the Wimbledon men’s final increased by 10 percent over last year. It was the highest-rated men’s final since the ‘04 final between Fed and Roddick. Venus’ win over Bartoli registered a 27 percent increase over the ‘06 Mauresmo- Henin final.

ANIMAL FARM: Juliette, the cow Swiss fans gave Federer after he won his first Wimbledon, was allegedly slaughtered because she was not producing enough milk...After listeners again endured another round of Mardy Fish witticisms (such as, “He does really well in slippery conditions” and “He appears to be dead in the water”), some suggested that, before we flounder any more, a permanent ban be placed on any further Fish jokes...Simon Barnes asserted, “There is a strange kind of awkwardness about Sharapova...She’s a rare mixture of grace and clumsiness, like a young horse that forgets how to count up to four in legs”...After going on and on about her swan dress, a reporter asked Maria, “Is this your swan song?”...A security guard with a German Shepard makes sure Wimbledon’s show courts are not damaged by foxes.

NO BIG DEAL: Now that he’s done it nine times in a row, Federer admitted that reaching a Grand Slam final has “become sort of a routine.”

YET ANOTHER WILLIAMS NOTEBOOK REVELATION: Last month, we noted that Venus went on court with a notebook with Che Guevara on the cover. This month, here are some of the jottings from Serena’s Wimby notebook:
● “My good thoughts are powerful - any negative thoughts are weak.”
● “Decide what you want to be, have, do and think the thoughts of it.”
● “Get low ... turn fast ... add spin.”
● “You ’R’ No. 1.”

NOTES FROM THE SQUARED CIRCLE: Richard Williams said Serena had “the fight of a young Mike Tyson”...Robert Philip imagined, “If Roberto Duran played tennis, then he would probably do so like Nadal, who is happy to turn every rally into a punishing exchange of body blows.

 

© 2007 INSIDE TENNIS All rights reserved.
All photographs, text and graphics, appearing on the Inside Tennis web site are protected by copyright.
Any republication, retransmission or reproduction or other use is prohibited without express written permission of Inside Tennis.