SOMEWHERE IN LONDON A NAYSAYER IS EATING HIS SWEATY SOCKS: On the first day of Wimbledon, Ashish, a Radio Wimbledon listener proclaimed, "I would really like to see Amelie make the naysayers eat their sweaty socks."

"AND WE SHALL OVERCOME": John McEnroe (who once said women were not qualified to commentate on men's tennis) jumped into the equal prize money debate, asserting, "The message we should send is that there is equality...for each and every one of us." Asked to comment, Mary Carillo demurred, saying, "I'm too busy dabbing the tears from my eyes to respond."

SWELL IDEA OF THE MONTH WE CAN REALLY COZY UP TO: McEnroe suggested that players get just one Hawk-Eye challenge per set and if they are wrong twice during a match, they lose a point.

NOW HERE'S AN IDEA THAT'LL NEVER HAPPEN: Justine Henin-Hardenne is so much into skydiving that one promotional type suggested that she drop into Centre Court just before Wimbledon closes it's new roof for the first time in '09.

SOUNDS KINDA NAPA VALLEY TO US: A few months ago some thought Shenay Perry was a humble, slightly oaky '93 Vintage.

WHEN BRAD GILBERT STILL ROAMED THE EARTH: Sue Mott used, "It is hard to believe that when Agassi began playing, Brad Gilbert still roamed the earth, but it is true. He dates back to Ivan Lendl pre-golf, Henri Leconte pre-paunch and John McEnroe before anger management. He is an active, real-life relic...We have been through so much with Agassi. The earrings, the piercings, the waxings, the wives, the early-round losses. The run to the finals...Those were the days when he had hair like a skunk's tail and the glamour of a Las Vegas showman. Now you can be fooled into thinking he's a little bald guy, slow, off-the-mark at the age of 36. But don't be deceived by appearances."

NOBODY CARES: During a Sampras/World TeamTennis teleconference, the zealous moderator tried to steer the reporters' questions back to WTT, saying: "[Now] back to TeamTennis. Pete do you know much about your teammates on the Breakers? How about the coach, Dick Leach?" Sampras replied, "I don't think anyone on the call really cares."

CELEBRATIONS: After he unexpectedly reached the semis, Jonas Bjorkman hugged himself four times...Wimbledon fans insisted Agassi offer a final "four corners bow" before he departed...When Henin-Hardenne pulled out of the Aussie Open final, Amelie Mauresmo was denied a proper celebration. So it was only fitting she let loose with a leaping scream of sheer delight after she beat Sharapova to reach the Wimby final and fell to her knees in stunned delight when she won the whole enchilada. Radio Wimbledon noted, "The smile on her face is streaming from here to Paris"...After their team's last-minute World Cup heroics, Italians flocked out of West End watering holes and up from the underground into Piccadilly Circus. Below the vast neon billboards, past the Virgin Megastore and the obligatory man with his amp imploring us to repent, the fans danced by the square's storied fountain and climbed up to the statue of the playful Eros. Flag-waving, often shirtless and pumped with adrenaline, they blew whistles and offered chants of "Italia," their anthems unending, their joy unabated. Surrounding them, a circle of cars, scooters, vans and pedicabs created a celebratory whirl. All the mayhem was taken in by a mix of travelers from India to Indiana. Bemused guys in backwards Yankee caps and smiling Muslim women in semi-traditional gear seemed to ask: Isn't London a thousand miles from Rome? Weren't these Italians the same cadre that appeared so indifferent against the U.S.? And what would the scene have been like if the Brits had won? But nevermind. After all, Picadilly exploded with an ecstactic celebration of youth, nation and triumph that would drift deep into a memorable night.

WARS, REIGNS, PLAGUES AND OVER-HYPED SPORTSMEN: Sue Mott noted, "The history of Britain can now be condensed into wars, reigns, plagues, the steam engine and lumping ridiculous expectations on to overhyped sportsmen." Mott then noted Britain's growing fixation with Andy Murray and wondered, "Shall we go about this in a different way? [Unlike with Henman] shall we not tell Andy Murray he is the hope of the nation, a red-hot certainty to win Wimbledon, the man in white shorts to end 70 years of hurt."

REMEMBER WHEN: Remember when Becker accused Agassi of being a mean-spirited loner who nobody liked in the locker room...Remember when it came to Chinese tennis, it seemed that Michael Chang was pretty much the beginning, middle and end?

YOU KNOW YOU'RE IN BRITAIN WHEN... After a phantom foul induced a penalty that allowed Italy to beat Australia in the World Cup, a grizzled old guy in a grocery shop blurts out, "It's disgusting. That was the most blatant dive I've ever seen. I'm giving up on football. I'm not going to watch after that. It's the cheaters that win. That Italian bloke should be put in prison"...They call a bathroom break a comfort break...The marathon tennis coverage on TV is periodically interrupted by slow motion close-ups of pigeons taking flight...The improved play of the country's greatest homegrown hero prompts the commentator to say, "Henman suddenly hit a rich vein of form."...The local radio station runs a "Why I love Andy Murray" essay contest...There are already billboards for the 2012 Olympics...A brass band manages to make the perennially upbeat anthem "New York, New York" sound stiff and wooden...The sign in the media cafe reads: "Please clear your table to the nearest trolley when vacating the restaurant."...The graffiti on the London and Northeastern Railway cast-iron bridge reads: "It's the global warming, stoopid."...People still bid farewell by saying "cheerio."

A VERY BAD PERSON: After an article without a byline appeared in the French paper Le Journal du Dimanche saying that Nadal was among those athletes being investigated in Spain for possible drug use, Rafa responded by saying those who named him were cowards and thieves. "To be accused specifically of something I have never done in my life, it is hard to accept as an individual and for tennis. It is a pathetic story that shows a complete lack of respect. There is no doubt that the person who wrote this is a very bad person."

NOT THE WAY TO BEHAVE: When Sports Illustrated asked Mauresmo if she was still friends with Henin-Hardenne, Amelie confided, "No, I cannot." Asked if Henin-Hardenne's withdrawal had impacted their relationship, Mauresmo said, "It did. I had a lot of respect for the champion she is...But I don't feel this behavior is a champion's behavior. Unless you injure yourself and you cannot [play]...I don't think it's the way to behave...especially since, I think the first thing she said in the press conference was, 'Well, I couldn't win the match anyway.'"

THE QUEEN OF SCREAM: Sharapova hit a personal best 102.7 on the Sportsmail's Grunt-O-Meter, far higher than her next rivals: Serena 88, Venus 85 and Lindsay 84.

FIFTEEN MINUTES OF...: The tradition of lesser-known players coming out in outrageous outfits [think Gussie Moran/lace panties, Trey Waltke/white pants, Anne Smith/bodysuit] continued at Wimbledon when the spunky, quite endearing Bethanie Mattek came on court with a dime-store cowgirl-meets-soccer player outfit.

A GOOD RANT RUINED: BBC aired this exchange:
JIMMY CONNORS [to John McEnroe]: Hey, John, if they had instant replay in our day it would have really messed us up.
SUE BARKER: It sure would have made the matches shorter.
JOHN MCENROE: We would have thought something up.

SOMEWHERE UNDER THE DRESSER: After Roddick confided, "There's just that intangible quality [missing] right now, that edge that's not there. That's what I'm searching [for]," he was asked, "Where do you look to try to get your edge back?" He responded, "Probably under my dresser."

DON'T BE CRUEL: Allyson Rudd suggested, "If you want to be cruel, you could say James Blake exhibited the English side of his character [after his loss to Max Miryni]...The Daily Express asked, "How much does it say about woman's tennis that it took a mad Dutchman to liven up the [women's] match of the day [Sharapova vs. Dementieva]?

SO THAT WOULD MAKE KNOWLES AND NESTOR MULTI-MILLIONAIRES: K. Lee of Connecticut wrote in to a London paper, "Is Wimbledon's pay dependent on equal work equals equal pay? If so, they should start calculating the time each player spends on court."

YOU MAY SAY I'M A LEADER, BUT I'M THE ONLY ONE: Venus asserted that the women "enjoy playing here. But we don't enjoy playing here as unequals. And we're very, very, very, very dedicated to being on this path to change. That [could be] a really, really positive example for women around the world. I have very strong opinions for equality for all people...If you say I'm a leader, I'm a leader."

THE SOUND OF SILENCE: Venus said, "I like to think however silent they are, I hope the men are in favor [of equal prize money.]

SISTERS MATTER: Venus confided that neither she nor Serena had boyfriends and added, "Maybe we're not romantic. But we've been supporting each other with those problems, and helping each other solve the mysteries."

HINGIS ZINGER OF THE MONTH: Martina Hingis noted, "I don't respect the coaches who are out there. They don't teach the girls the right things."

THOU SHALT NOT SQUEAL: Our favorite letter to the editor on grunting read, "I propose that a player that squeals on two consecutive strokes should lose the point. I can barely watch them play. I can understand the occasional grunt but..."

LESS THAN SCINTILATING: Britain' Sarah Borwell does not exactly have a name that excites...Yes, that was Rob and Jon Kyle Bland in the Royal Box...Tim Henman insisted, "I am not the human form of beige...I'm multicolored"...We thought there was nothing worse in sports than when a soccer team gets an early 1-0 lead and then milks it by going into 85 minutes of prevent defense. Then writer Chris Clarey noted that it's even worse when two teams come out hoping for a tie and both go into prevent defense."

HOW DO YOU SPELL T-R-E-N-D?: In '04, the breakout star was Russian Maria Sharapova. In '05, it was Indian Sania Mirza. This year, it's China's Li Na.

FEDERER FILE *"Federer has the little hairs on the back of my neck standing on end." —Radio Wimbledon
*Sue Barker noted, "Just when Federer reaches perfection, he finds another gear."
*What's more impressive, Federer's balance, relaxation, creativity, beauty, elegance, movement or the time he gives himself on court?
*Simon Barnes noted, "Federer's game is all about elegance and flow; Nadal disrupts it like a street thug crashing a cotillion. That he does so while oozing testosterone, flexing his biceps in a sleeveless shirt, only seals the image of a man's man, Marlon Brando to Federer's Fred Astaire."

FEDERER STATS
Slam titles: 8
Overall titles: 39
Consecutive matches won on grass (record): 48
'06 match record through Wimbledon: 56-4
Number of '06 loses to Nadal: 4
Also: Has ranked No. 1 every week since Feb. 2, 2004, the third-longest consecutive streak behind Connors and Lendl. Owns the record unbeaten streak in finals at 24.
Record 56-match hard-court winning streak.
Record 49 wins in a row on North American soil.

FEDERER VS. WILANDER After the French Open, Hall of Famer Mats Wilander told IT that Nadal basically out-gutted Federer at the Roland Garros final. He was even more adamant on his web site, saying Roger didn't have balls in the match. Federer bristled, telling Sports Illustrated's S.L. Price, "Look, there're many former players, many experts, who think they know everything...You can't always listen...From almost a legend — to hear stuff like this is obviously very disappointing. I thought I got along well with him...Maybe I'll say something. Or maybe he's not a man to be around for me. Because if you say stuff like this? There's professional [life] and there's friendship, but if you cross the line too many times eventually you're going to lose your friends. That's maybe what he's doing."

FED AND TIGER: When IT asked golfer Fred Couples to compare Federer and Tiger, he noted, "In golf, anyone can hit a 350-yard drive over a tree or an eight iron 250 yards within eight feet of the hole. But it's the little things that Roger and Tiger do. With Tiger, it's nailing that little shot that's buried in the fringe. What I just saw out there with Roger was a joke. Roger and Tiger (at his prime) were both so dominant. They both had a combination of power, craftsmanship and artistry." Roger himself drew his own comparison: "Tiger is charismatic and has brought something new to golf. It is what I try to do with the beauty of my shots."

MOST INNOVATIVE IDEA OF THE MONTH: John McEnroe suggested that we might get Serena, the Hollywood wannabe, to play Wimbledon if it were guaranteed that the winner would automatically receive cameo roles in at least two big-screen movies.

GO FIGURE: In 2009, when Wimbledon's roof is scheduled to be completed, it will probably be the driest fortnight in history...Art Spander noted, "Britain can't kick the ball in the net, and we Americans can't get a ball over the net."...Robert Kendrick, who came within two points of beating Nadal, is not even listed in the ATP media guide...Former Wimbledon CEO Chris Gorringe, who after 26 years retired last year, was spotted cooking burgers and directing parking operations at nearby St. Mary's church...David Nalbandian requested that his match with Fernando Verdasco be scheduled early so he could see Argentina play Germany in the World Cup. (Both he and his country lost.)...After the first Monday, there was just one player, Australian Lleyton Hewitt, remaining who was from an English-speaking country...The women served and volleyed more at Wimbledon than the men...The last time no Americans reached the quarters was 1911, when William Howard Taft was prez...Wimby's Centre Court cleaning crew are Slovakian kids...Just when the ATP had worked their butts off to make doubles shorter and more compelling, Daniel Nestor/Mark Knowles 5-7, 6-3, 6-7, 6-3, 23-21 win over Simon Aspelin/Todd Perry in 6 hours, 9 minutes became the longest match in Wimbledon history — and the longest doubles match at any
Grand Slam.

THE DEATH OF TIGER TIM: Mark Nicholas claimed, "There is no Tiger Tim anymore, never was really. Instead we have Tantalizing Tim, a marvelously gifted and flowing sportsman from an age of touch and feel, slice and drop, even serve and volley that the baseline's heavy-hitters and grunters have blown away. Let's face it, he even looks a bit square."

TIP OF THE MONTH: Robert Philip recalled, "For as long as I can remember, there has been a jolly London bobby stationed outside Southfields tube station during this particular fortnight. When asked, as he is countless times a day by foreign visitors, 'Excuse me, how do I get to Wimbledon?' he can barely contain himself as he says, 'Keep practicing.'"

YOU KNOW YOU ARE AT WIMBLEDON AND NOT THE U.S. OPEN WHEN: Church bells sound in the distance...Virtually all the sounds, colors and 'tudes are muted...In the seemingly endless pink dusk, sprinklers water the courts on the far horizon...An usher does you a favor and then asks for 20 pounds (but the cheery smile painted on his face tells you it's just a joke).

SAY IT ISN'T SO: Indonesia withdrew from its Fed Cup match in Israel.

THE MOST COMPACT EXPLOSION IN SPORTS?: Henin-Hardenne's cross-court backhand.

ORSON WELLS THE WORLD IS BEING INVADED FALSE ALARM OF THE FORTNIGHT: Late in the Wimbledon fortnight there was an announcement that Agassi would be in the interview room in five minutes. An ecstatic ("he's un-retiring") wave hit the American sector of the pressroom. But it was an Orson Wells moment. The announcement was just a sound system test.

AND NOW FOR OUR SPECIAL JOHN WAYNE SECTION: Before the Wimby final, the London Times noted, “Amelie Mauresmo walks on to a tennis court like John Wayne coming in to clean up a town with a drunk mayor and a crooked sheriff. She has a wonderful the-hell-you-will physique, imposing and muscular. She was wearing a top cut to maximize the breadth of her shoulders. She’s the Duke of the circuit, but when she gets into those eyeball-to-eyeball encounters, she reaches for her gun fast as lightning — and then drops the damn thing...” The Telegraph mused, “In the Open era, the men who crossed over into the mainstream, who became superstars, hardly lived up to the male ideal — at least in any old-fashioned, John Wayne sense. McEnroe and Connors ranted and raved, lost control, took nothing with a stiff upper lip — acted, in other words, emotional to the point of near hysterics on court, violating every age-old code of male behavior. The most popular player of the last 20 years, meanwhile, wore an earring and dressed in day-glo. Once, someone showed Agassi a picture of himself at 16. “I looked at it and said, ‘Wow, she’s cute,’” Andre said in ‘99. “Nice figure, very narrow hips, nice legs, long good hair. All of a sudden I went, ‘Wow, that was me.’”