JUST WONDERING: Just how much is Nadal inside Federer’s head?...Does the ever-demonstrative Rafa have the most dynamic celebrations in tennis history?...When will Nadal admit that he is at least the equal of Federer?...Next year, will Roddick just skip the French Open and/or the entire clay-court season?...Is there anything more death-defying in Paris than watching your media van driver try to safely navigate around the Arc de Triomphe (where about 16 different roads merge into one harrowing circle) with one hand on the wheel as he chats on his cell...Has anyone worked on any tennis event harder than Dick Gould labored on the NCAA tournament? All that sweat didn’t deserve all that rain...Are Borg and Becker the only two European players who have achieved superstar status in America?...How many bricks does it take to create all the crushed brick that composes the clay courts at Roland Garros?... What does it mean that the last Americans standing at the French — Venus, Jamea Jackson, James Blake, Shenay Perry and Kevin Kim — are all minorities?

A SHAVEN SKULL, DAZZLING TEETH AND A SENSE OF BENEDICTION: After speaking to Andre Agassi, Brough Scott observed, “For an old dog, he looks quite wonderfully well...There is a glow about him...A sheen of good health gleamed from the bronzed arms, the shaven skull and the dazzling teeth...As for the nemesis that is Federer, Agassi says, “He’s the best I have ever played. He can squeeze you from every part of the court. There is just no place to go.” Scott also observed that there is a “farewell chime with a sense of benediction only enhanced when he says that ‘it’s been an ongoing journey for me, one I have tried to allow as many people in as possible. It’s been an incredible life.’”

IT’S PRESSURE RANKINGS: All players deal with pressure. The young Pete Sampras spoke of getting the monkey off his back after losing at the ‘91 U.S. Open. Arguably the most pressure on any player in any match was on Billie Jean King before her (“the whole world is watching”) Battle of the Sexes confrontation with Bobby Riggs in ‘73. Anyway, here’s our top-five ranking of current players with the most pressure on them.
T- 5 Tim Henman For years, British fans have presumed “Our Timmy” would overachieve and win that little local — Wimbledon.
T- 5 Amelie Mauresmo As Ivan Speck observed, “There can be few things in life as disheartening as succumbing to the fears you thought you had overcome. [This year], Paris in springtime was its usual trial for Amelie Mauresmo.”
4 Maria Sharapova All that fame, all those endorsements, all those expectations. Oh, to be young, rich, talented and beautiful. Maria’s philosophy: “Pressure’s a fluke. I don’t believe in it.”
3 Roger Federer No matter how outwardly cool he may seem, Fab Fed faces fan and media pressure at every turn. “Mr. Perfect” has set the bar so high, now he’s got to meet expectations. Think he doesn’t feel it? Well, just recall all those tears after winning the Aussie Open and his admission that the most difficult part of the tournament was the awards ceremony.
2 Andy Murray The British nation has had years of experience in putting excruciating pressure on its beloved wannabes. Eleanor Preston has already written a biography on the 19-year-old, and a posse of eagle-eyed writers breathlessly reports his every twitch. Hey, Andy, be sure to take your recycling out to the curb next Thursday or the tabs will let you know.
1 Sania Mirza Not only are you the first significant woman tennis player in Indian history and your nation’s most prominent female athlete ever, you are a Muslim playing a very Western sport in very short skirts. So a kazillion folks at home and abroad are pulling for you, plus you’re an inviting target for many a mullah who doesn’t like the hitch in your serve.

EAT YOUR HEART OUT, L.A.: L.A. may have the Laker Girls, but Paris has its celebrated Presidential Box hostesses who meet and greet VIP guests in the most coveted seats at Roland Garros. Tall, tan and preferably brunette, the stylish ladies are decked out in stunning white Christian Dior outfits, “beige rose” scarves, and Dior accessories and sunglasses (of course!) But you need not apply if you’re not between 23 and 36, don’t know numerous foreign languages, are not between 1.74 and 1.8 meters tall, don’t have a “smile on demand” personality (sourire de riguer) or don’t maintain “an irreproachable attitude.”

MIRROR, MIRROR ON THE WALL, WHO’S THE FASTEST OF US ALL?: Years ago, it was said that Vitas Gerulaitis and then Bjorn Borg were the fastest players on tour. Then, for years, Michael Chang claimed the throne; that is before Lleyton Hewitt dazzled us so much that we began to forget Michael’s mercurial scampers. But now that Hewitt no longer seems to be able to impose his quickness, we’re dazzled by the new kid on the block, Nadal, who (no offense to James Blake) many consider the fastest of all time.

“PLAYING A 7-2 OFF SUIT AGAINST POCKET ACES”: When asked to reflect on where American tennis was in relation to the French Open, poker buff Andy Roddick quipped, “We’re playing a 7-2 off suit against pocket aces right now.” Roddick’s cool commentary made him sound like a total “you-gotta-know-when-to-hold-em“ poker wiz. But the Bryan Bros. were cautionary, claiming they hadn’t lost much money to Andy. “He’s not that great. He thinks he’s good. He’s overrated. James Blake’s the one. He’s won like almost 35 grand this year. He plays the big stakes. He’s smart. He waits it out. He plays those $5 tournaments. The winner gets like 10 grand. That’s his second career. He doesn’t play for free. We just play for like $5. He only plays for money.” Blake himself said that Roddick — who is tight with former World Series of Poker champ Phil Hellmuth Jr. — is about a 6 on a scale of 10. “He has some work to do,” said Blake with a smile.

QUESTIONABLE QUESTIONS
To Justine Henin-Hardenne: “You don’t sleep before big matches, but do you sleep before you parachute?
To the just victorious Henin-Hardenne: “Do you want to win more Grand Slams or are you going to stop?”
To the Bryan Bros. as they boasted of the numerous junior tournaments they won: “How many gold balls are you behind Dodo Cheney?”
To the Bryan Bros.: “What is it going to take to split you guys apart?”
To Maria Sharapova: “You’ve played zero matches on clay since last year, so it’s hard to say that your game has evolved on clay.”

GO FIGURE: Sania Mirza said she is getting “golf elbow” and claimed she was growing muscles she didn’t even know she had...Andy Murray wants to stop growing so he can finally grow into his body. His problem: when he has one of his growth spurts, his back goes out and he sleeps a lot...Within the past 10 months, Blake is 2-0 vs. Nadal. Federer is 0-4...After Rod Laver won his second Grand Slam, he never won another major...Bob Bryan said Martina Navratilova had better hands than any man on the tour...Mirza says that Istanbul is the only city where Indians don’t come out in droves to see her...Since ‘99, only four nations have won women’s Grand Slams: the U.S. (17), Belgium (6), Russia (3) and France (2)...Rising Serb Novak Djokovic bounces the ball up to 19 times before serving.

OF SHIMMERING PEACH CHIFFON AND FLUORESCENT YELLOW KNICKERS: Robert Phillip suggested, “Ever since Brigitte Bardot first paraded her abundant charms...French manhood has had a thing about blondes displaying a nicely turned ankle. Though the average Parisian macho man considers watching women’s tennis a pastime for wimps, Sharapova’s every appearance at Roland Garros attracts a boisterous assembly. And like BB, the Russian pinup sure knows how to make an entrance, sashaying on court in a shimmering peach chiffon creation with fetching fluorescent yellow knickers...[But, Sharapova says] “Being a tennis babe doesn’t do it for me. If that’s what people are hoping for, then I’m afraid they’re going to be disappointed.”

VIVE LA DIFFERENCE: In the NBA, they say to get the essence of a game, all you have to do is tune in the final two minutes. As for the jist of America’s showing at the French Open, it’s getting to the point where all you have to do is tune into the first two rounds.

COACHES CORNER: Just a few years ago, Jimmy Connors told IT that the thing he liked most about tennis was getting away from it and admitted that he wasn’t closely following the game. Now he’s supposedly agreed to become Roddick’s part-time coach. “I’m genuinely excited about the prospect of working with Jimmy,” said Andy. “My brother John will be with me full-time, but Jimmy will join when he can, and I certainly want him around in the buildup to the U.S. Open. When IT asked commentator Brad Gilbert about rumors that he would be coaching Brit Andy Murray, he tapped his media badge and said, “I like what I’m doing.”...Nick Bollettieri (who can claim yet another star, semifinalist Nicole Vaidisova) recently wrote that he gave one of his students “an instruction card to take on court listing which gesture — nose scratch, sunglasses touch, etc. — meant what action, for example, coming to the net or attacking the backhand. Except I left my own card in the hotel, and only realized during the warm-up, when I also realized I’d forgotten which gesture was which. I’ve never sat as still for a whole match in my life, fearful of rubbing my ear at the wrong time and changing the course of the action. So the player, who kept looking, got no signals at all. She won anyway.”

SOME THINGS NEVER CHANGE: Mauresmo falling short at Roland Garros...Ilie Nastase mooning crowds...Hingis having problems with the game’s most elite players.

		AN OUT-OF-CONTROL DUDE SPRINTING IN THE LOCKER ROOM NUDE: One of the Bryan Bros. (we can’t tell which one from our audio tape) told IT, “I’ve never seen a guy like Nadal. He’s got so much energy all day. In the locker room, he’s sprinting. I came out of the bathroom; he was coming in. He almost knocked me over through the door. He’s doing these huge hops. It’s like he has a little bit of OCD. On the changeovers, he’s got two water bottles, and he has got to line them up perfectly with the tables. He’s literally shaking, trying to line up these water bottles perfectly. [Then] he’s doing sprints up and down the locker room, naked. Quite a visual [and] he started high stepping to the showers. I mean, like, dude, this guy’s out of control.” MUSING ON THE MAN-CHILD: Nick Pitt observed, “There are two sides to this man-child phenomenon, Rafael Nadal...First, he grinds his opponent into the ground, killing his challenge as ruthlessly as if he had been stamping on his throat. A little later, the venom washed away with the red dust in the shower, his long black hair allowed to fall free and glisten, Nadal comes in sweet humility to the mandatory press conference, appearing reluctant to mount the platform on to which many players leap as if to a throne. Here is the boy of the village bearing flowers, his head inclined downward, generous to his victim, self-effacing in his attempts at humor. And all who meet him in ordinary circumstances testify to his unpretentious, gentle nature. Nadal on court is a horrible, cruel person, and his opponents know they are prey. Those who face Federer can expect to have winners hit past them that make them wince in astonishment, and may shatter their illusions of reaching the very top, but to be beaten by Nadal is to suffer a prolonged agony. For although he can hit the pure, clean winner when he needs to, his preferred method is prolonged torture.” OF TESTOSTERONE OVERDOsES, PNEUMATIC BICEPS AND UNAMBIGUOUS MALENESS: The London Times’ Simon Barnes noted that Nadal “wears calf-length shorts, or rather a pair of does-my-bum-look-hard-in-these trousers. Above that, the muscles-vest, a shirt cut back to the shoulders to give the best possible view of those impossibly pneumatic biceps. This is all topped off with the headband, and the combat- bedraggled hair. It’s all pure Rambo. That’s the obvious inspiration here: Sylvester Stallone on the rampage, looking for justice and not caring who gets in his way...It all comes in this package of unambiguous maleness. The man is an in-your-face testosterone overdose, and the performance seems designed to make Federer feel a bit of a wimp. Federer can do the most marvelous things with a tennis ball, but he can’t do that wanna-feel-my-pecs strut. Such small matters can get to a chap.” A BRUSH OF CAPE AND THEN THIN AIR: Reflecting on the French Open final, Gideon Brooks wrote, “In bullfighting, they call it la veronica. It is the invitation to the force of the beast to charge at deception and feel the brush of cape and then thin air. Yesterday, Nadal reversed the roles to deny Federer his piece of sporting history.” OH NO, GUILLERMO: We’ve long put Guillermo Vilas — South America’s greatest champion, aspiring poet and lover of the game — on a hefty pedestal. But his graceless comments after Nadal broke his record of 53 straight clay-court victories left us aghast. The Argentine claimed, “Nadal’s performance is spanning over two years, which is not the same [as mine.] Then, I have the feeling he added easy tournaments on his schedule just for that purpose.” Vilas also claimed that his own record would have lasted longer if Ilie Nastase had not used a double-strung spaghetti racket, which was subsequently banned, to beat him in ‘77. “I didn’t lose to a player, but against a racket. I could not play him. When I was 6-1, 7-5 down, I threw in the sponge.” By the way, during his streak, Vilas never played Borg, probably the best dirtballer in history, who Vilas lost to a couple of times just before his streak began. During his streak, Nadal has collected huge titles and beaten virtually all the top players, including Federer four times. IN RECOGNITION OF RAFA: Reflecting on Nadal’s clay-court streak, James Blake noted, Nadal couldn’t have been just been “a little better than the field. He had to be so far above and beyond. There’re so many days you come out, and you’re not 100 percent. He’s been able to win every one of those. It may be a Joe DiMaggio streak, where it doesn’t seem like it’s ever going to be broken. There’s so many good clay-courters and he’s beaten almost every one of them in the last year. It’s just amazing. Maybe it’s better that he’s still young doing it. He probably doesn’t even know the history...Maybe I’ll have to remind him...[to] try to put a little more pressure on him.” THE NADAL EFFECT: Nadal’s impact is so great, that even the ushers at Roland Garros were wearing clamdiggers this year.

THE LONELINESS OF A LONG DISTANCE TENNIS PLAYER:
Venus Williams, the last American in the French draw, admitted, “It’s a little bit lonely. [I’m] used to having Serena here or Lindsay, Andre, Andy or Jennifer when she was healthy. So it’s a little strange.”

SOUNDS ABOUT RIGHT TO US: Georgia’s retired coach Dan MacGill — the great Southern character and hometown advocate — claimed Athens, Greece was named after Athens, Georgia — the home of the University of Georgia.

‘DA DUMBEST GUY AROUND: Cal’s beloved former coach Bill Wright, who’s now at Arizona, joked that he “was the stupidest coach in college tennis. “Why,” he asked “would anyone be the crosstown rival of Dick Gould?”

ISLAMIC TENNIS: DEATH, DISPAIR AND TRIUMPH: Gunmen shot and killed Iraqi national coach Hussain Rasheed and players Nasir Al-Hatam and Wissam Adel Auda in Baghdad reportedly because they were wearing shorts in contradiction to a warning by extremists against such attire. Rasheed, 34, who played this year, was Iraq’s most prolific player.

Monsour Bahrami, usually known for his comic hilarity, is the only prominent player to have emerged out of Iran. But the former French Open doubles finalist had to leave his homeland in order to progress. Although Bahrami told IT that Andre Agassi is both widely admired in Iran, where Andre’s parents came from, tennis is dead there, and if women want to play, they have to do so in an area that is fenced off from the public. Ironically Aravane Rezai was a mini-sensation at the French Open where she reached the third round. Rezai’s parents came from Iran and have had many run-ins with the French Federation. Rezai’s father has gone into debt to support his daughter, and their family lives out of an RV. Rezai did win gold medals at the Muslim Olympics last year and said she hopes her victories will inspire Muslim girls to begin to play a Western sport. Similarly, the increasingly mature Indian Muslim player, Sania Mirza, who emerged as a star last year, reported that her success has inspired Indian girls to play in droves. In the past, they had to plead with juniors just to enter tournaments, but now they have draws of 200. Plus, she noted that her endorsements now match those of India’s superstar Cricket players.

KNUCKLING DOWN: Aravane Rezai’s impoverished and embattled father, who got into a fight with a Russian coach, can now rest easy. According to Matthew Cronin, with the prize money Aravane earned by reaching the third round, the family should have enough money to pay for new tires for the mobile home they live in or some brass knuckles...

AND ON THE 15TH DAY, THE FRENCH FEDERATION SOLD TICKETS: The French Open includes play on three Sundays. Wimbledon has play on just one Sunday. France’s move to initiate early play prompted Sharapova
to say, “It doesn’t make you feel great when you know all the French Federation is thinking about is selling tickets and making money and taking care of their own players.” ATP Player Council member Justin Gimelstob admitted he still wasn’t sure how the French Open “got this one by us,” i.e., adding a 15th day of play without additional prize money. As for the U.S. Open following Roland Garros’ lead, Gimelstob said, “I’m sure they’re knocking on the door.”

HOW ‘BOUT ‘DEM BRYAN BROS.: French Open finalists Bob and Mike Bryan have now reached the last six Slam doubles finals and have won two - the ‘05 U.S. Open and ‘06 Aussie Open. By the way, Lendl lost 11 Slam finals. Navratilova and Evert each lost 14.

TIP OF THE MONTH: You can distinguish Mike Bryan from his brother Bob because he not only is right-handed and wears a small necklace, but also because he’s about 20 pounds lighter than Bob, who is on a no-gluten diet.

NAVRATILOVA OPPOSES GAY BAN: Not surprisingly, gay-rights advocate Martina Navratilova criticized the move to create a constitutional amendment to ban gay marriage. She told IT that “apparently, gays are the greatest threat to culture ever. The Iraq war, that’s not a big problem. The economy going down the drain, that’s not a big problem. Kids being obese and 50 million Americans uninsured, that’s not a problem, but gay marriage is. I’d say our president needs to set his priorities because it’s obviously a ploy to get the conservative right galvanized. It worked two years ago, and if this is the only thing he can hang his hat on, good luck. It’s shameful when we are marginalized...We’re the last minority it’s okay to pick on, the last bastion for them to galvanize the people. Immigration doesn’t work, and blacks and Jews, that’s all gone, so now it’s gays. But that’s going to change... You can’t hold the tide back. We’re contributing members of society, and it’s a shame that we’re not treated as such.

TURSUNOV, ALREADY: Dmitry Tursunov has beaten Tim Henman in three of the last four Slams.

THEY’RE DANCING ON THE STREETS OF MELBOURNE: Aussie Open bigwigs should be thrilled with the results of IT’s survey of top writers [see June ‘06 issue] on which of the four Grand Slams is the best. The Australian, which 20 years ago was a kind of afterthought on the Slam horizon, was selected as the best of the Slams by a hefty margin.

PREPARED TO BE DISLIKED: According to Justin Gimelstob, new ATP boss Etienne deVilliers “is not a typical CEO. He’s not just a politician who’s out there to shake hands. He’s prepared to be disliked for the good of the game.”

LEST WE FORGET: The Nadal-Federer final lasted over three hours in scorching 90-degree heat. But remember James J. Jeffries topped Jack Johnson in 26 rounds in 105-degree heat in Havana in 1915 to take the crown?

DOUBLES SLAM: By winning the Roland Garros dubs with Samantha Stosur, 32-year-old Lisa Raymond became the 13th woman in the Open Era to have won all four majors. Said Raymond, “To complete the Slam, that’s just an unbelievable feeling.”

SHOT OF THE TOURNAMENT: Federer’s delightfully creative squash-shot winner against a stunned David Nalbandian helped him turn around the semis.

SOMEWHERE IN JERSEY A ROCKER WEEPS: Bruce Springsteen wannabe John McEnroe made a “not quite ready for prime time” appearance on French TV in a black tank top and outsized white headband adorned with shades and an imposing tattoo, singing Born In the USA as an American flag waved in the background.