The Reluctant Swan: With her tics and twitches and her prim, almost grand presence, Mary Pierce is more than theatrical. Erect, stiff and a bit vulnerable, she’s an appealing yet reluctant swan: not clunky, yet far from graceful, a ballerina who’s not all that at home on stage.

Just Wondering: Sampras once reached the French Open semis. What will Andy Roddick’s best result be? ...The kings of Spain and Belgium travel to foreign lands to watch their athletes compete for important titles. Why can’t the Queen of England go crosstown 12 miles to take in Wimbledon ?... Can you claim that Venus, who has won four Grand Slams, is an underachiever (and to what degree are the Williamses getting the most out of their careers)? ...When are we going to have another exciting women’s final in a major? Since the Sharapova vs. Serena Wimbledon match, all four recent finals have been dreary ... How soon will it be before China’s women are a major force ? ... Is Sharapova a brand? ...When playing the immodestly titled video game “I-Play Maria Sharapova,” does it improve your score to wear the Tag Heur watch endorsed by the Russian and to spray on a little Maria by Maria Sharapova perfume? ...Will Agassi quit after the U.S. Open? ...Is his pigeon-toed shuffle the most distinctive walk in sports?...Will we ever see a player who combines Henin-Hardenne’s ethereal backhand and Graf’s laser forehand? ...Does Henin-Hardenne expose the weaknesses of players more than any other woman in the game? ...Was the much-hyped confrontation between Nadal and French phenom Richard Gasquet the biggest teen vs. teen rivalry since the battles between Aussies Lew Hoad and Ken Rosewall in the ‘50s?...Is Nadal, as John McEnroe claims, the best young talent to emerge since Becker in ‘85, and does he have the best celebratory exultations since Connors? ... Does Nadal, as Mary Carillo asked, have “the same inner mechanism of sensing the moment and acting on it as does Henin-Hardenne”?

There Should Be A Law Against It: French Opens with no American guys around after the first Thursday...Look-alike players wearing the same dress and cap as their opponent (as occurred at least three times with Henin-Hardenne).

Say It Ain’t So: There’s instant replay in cricket ...Roddick seemed to throw in the French Open towel when he said, “I’m just glad Americans get to play well in three of the four Grand Slams” ...Charles Elmore noted that, “even by American in Paris standards this was a humiliating group choke”...No American man, except Agassi, has gotten beyond the fourth round at Roland Garros since ‘96... Pierce’s awards ceremony speech was almost as long as the final itself (and more exciting) ...The French Open next year will start on Sunday, a day earlier. The U.S. Open is also hoping to be a three-weekend event and may eventually become a 16-day event... Agassi’s going to have his own line of Vegas slot machines.

Bill Simons
The Calm Before the Not-So-Perfect Storm: French and Belgian fans before the Pierce vs. Henin-Hardenne final.

A Lone Voice Crying In The Wilderness: People seem to like the idea of a line-calling system. We know there will be a July 17 test of Hawkeye at Flushing Meadows, and if it works it’s probably a train that’s left the station. But a cautionary note: Our sport needs every element of drama it can get and, as in baseball, part of the fun of watching is to scream and hoot at the ref if you think they’re blind as a bat. Plus, as Federer, noted it’ll cost a lot of money that could be used elsewhere. And the incident that triggered the runaway train occurred early in the third set of the Capriati-Serena U.S.Open quarterfinal and didn’t really impact the match all that much. Bottom line: Keep the human element in tennis — we need it!

And The Charge Of The Light BRIGADE Medalion Goes To...: Henman’s continual willingness to serve and volley on clay is the most fearless tactic in the game.

Leaves On The Tracks: Tim Henman opened the door to criticism when he complained that he was at a disadvantage at Wimbledon because the balls there are opened long before they’re used. One critic compared his complaint to the British Rail’s explanation that trains are late because there’re leaves on the tracks. An unsparing Times headline read “Henman Loses Last Excuse For Failure At Wimbledon.” But John Roberts got the last word, saying, “It was almost as if Tim was voicing-over a lager promotion ‘When I’m on the court and they crack the can,’ he said, ‘then that will be a good sound again.’ In fact, he was talking balls.”

Sitting By The Dock of The Beige: Comedian Linda Smith claimed Henman was “the human equivalent of beige.” (Ouch!) So it’s hardly surprising that Tim’s former coach, Tim Felgate countered, saying that Henman was “the most maligned sportsman in Britain.”

Questionable Questions: While doing a press conference with his twin brother Mike, Bob Bryan mentioned that he was 27. A reporter then jokingly interrupted to ask, “How old are you, Bob?”...The first question Nadal was asked after winning the French title was, “Do you need to improve a lot?”...The first question to Pierce after she lost the final was, “It was a bad match. Were you were nervous, or was it a good opportunity? Three questions in one”...After Federer lost to Nadal, he was asked “Can we establish that there is an invisible law like a law of gravity, a law of clay, that on clay even the most complete player has less chance than the first-class clay-court specialist?”

A Graceful Note: Here’s the Buzz’s top five list of the most graceful guys among the top-10 players over the past 25 years: 1. Roger Federer 2. Bjorn Borg 3. Stefan Edberg 4. Miloslav Mecir 5. Pete Sampras.
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Hair Today, Gone Tomorrow: Will Nadal soon join a long list of players who entered the game with long hair, only to shear their locks? (Think Agassi, Federer, Hewitt, Seles, Andrea Jaeger, James Blake, Mardy Fish and eventually even Borg.) Exceptions to the trend: Guillermo Vilas, Vitas Gerulaitis, Marcello Rios and Xavier Malisse.

Say What: Henin-Hardenne said, “My game’s better than it’s never been.”

Except Henin-Hardenne’s Backhand: Pierce said, “We never face anything we can’t handle.”

Yet Another Outbreak of Fierce Belgium Nationalism: The Financial Times noted, “Now that the country sucks at football and cycling and barely exists as a political entity, Henin-Hardenne is the chief outlet for Belgian nationalism.”

Oh Just Drop It: Just when you think the delicate, labor intensive drop shot is the most absurd shot to go for at crunch time when you nerves are totally frazzled, Henin-Hardenne hits an exquisite one to turn around a huge match.

Best French Historical Perspective: After France’s Nathalie Dechy lost there was the following press room exchange.
    Reporter I: “The French fade has now begun.”
    Reporter II: “Wrong, it began at Waterloo.”

Best Roman Historical Perspective: Want to get a feel of what the Roman Coliseum was like? (We were there, covering the semis, in 80 A.D.) Well, just check out the jeering, whistlin’ n’ hootin’ crowd on Court Central at Roland Garros.

Best Teen Perspective: Quarterfinalist Sesil Karatantcheva confided, “I didn’t really believe in myself. I just need more time.”

Best Player Perspective: Toward the end of her win over Davenport, Pierce reported, “I just looked at the scoreboard and the speedometer. I listened to the crowd cheering. I just took a moment because [I sensed] this is going to make for good memories. I really wanted to appreciate the moment.”

Best Perspective: As an IT writer was tracking the woman’s quarters, he received the following e-mail from his nephew, a Marine lieutenant who is an Iraq vet and had just arrived in another hot spot. “I’m in Afghanistan already and I’ve seen a few places around Kabul. It’s very poor, but looks to be recovering from the war. A lot of places look like the spaceport scenes in the original Star Wars — “ a hive of scum and villainry” — with all sorts of exotic characters...Much, but not all, of the country is reasonably safe, which is a big change from Iraq, which is pretty much dangerous everywhere.”

A Plaintiff Plea: A writer confided in Pierce, saying, “Let’s face it, we Americans are desperate. We have only two more players left in the tournament. Plus, we never stopped loving you. France is fine, but please can’t we Americans claim you as one of our own.”

“You saluted the king, but now you are king of this palace.” —Bud Collins to Nadal “It’s like Lily Tomlin says, ‘No matter how cynical you are, it’s hard to keep up.’” —Mary Carillo “What is normal but a cycle on a washing machine.” —Martina Navratilova, after a reporter claimed it wasn’t normal for her still to be playing at her age “No, no.” —Federer, after being asked whether he’s the best player of all time “Just great, don’t play and I’ll become No. 1. Thanks ‘Lins.’ I mean, just tell her to step back and give me the place.” —Maria Sharapova on Davenport’s laid-back ‘tude on retaining her No. 1 ranking “Adding the inspiration of Yannick Noah to Mauresmo’s camp wasn’t enough. What’s next? Channeling the spirit of Suzanne Lenglen? —Lisa Dillman, L.A. Times “Unfortunately, the relationship between the French public and Mauresmo is subject to a ghastly paradox. The more they wish her well, the more they undermine her. What they love most they’re condemned to destroy.” —Nick Pitt “I don’t exactly glide around the court.” —Lindsay Davenport “It’s hard feeling sorry for someone who’s won every tournament in the world.” —Roddick on Agassi, after Andre’s rough Roland Garros loss “I wish I had the luxury of complaining about a loss after 14 straight wins.” —James Blake “Eleven’s the charm.” —A reporter to Pierce, who squandered 10 match points before downing Patty Schnyde “Tennis has changed — get used to it.” —The theme of Nike’s Nadal-based Spanish ad campaign “Maybe I was a little too calm, too mellow. Maybe I needed to be a bit more aggressive.” —Pierce on her mindset before and during the French final “The power of love is amazing.” —Mary Pierce

Touching Loyalty: A reporter reflecting on the French-American Pierce proclaimed: “I consider Pierce an American, until she loses.”

You Are Where Your Dogs Are: Pierce’s dogs are in Florida.

Home Court Disadvantage: What’s more perplexing, that Frenchwoman Amelie Mauresmo, once No.1 in the world, has not reached the Roland Garros semis, that Brit Tim Henman has never won Wimbledon or that neither Patrick Rafter and Lleyton Hewitt has never won the Aussie Open.

Vive La Difference: We love the way the French crowd chants of “Ma-reee” (for Mary Pierce) but still prefer the way they transform “Venus” into “Vay-noose.”

Intro To French 101: After Sesil Karatantcheva finished the English part of her press conference in Paris, the moderator asked for “questions in French” (which are then translated into English). But unaware, the spunky 15-year-old thought, Oh, no, and blurted out, “[All] I know in French is bonjour and ca va.”

Ya Ain’t Gonna See This Down On The California Farm: The traveler encounters many a French reality that isn’t common at home: dogs in restaurants...1,000 cafes buzzing at midnight...elections on Sunday...a popular little Left Bank eatery called Le Baghdad...Opera concerts that attract 100,000...Corporate VPs in designer suits zooming through maze-like traffic circles on state-of-the-art scooters...stogies galore...buildings dedicated in 1881 that are considered “nouveau”...“Madrid Only Happens in Madrid” TV commercials and the Sex in the City episode entitled An American in Paris, in which actors playing French characters, who originally spoke in English for the American audience, are now awkwardly dubbed back into French.

It’s Not A Small World After All: Reflecting on America’s resistance to the globalization of tennis as well as our greater interest in the Vegas All-American Poker Tournament than the French Open, Frank DeFord noted, “If there is a position known as U.S. Ambassador to international sport, John Bolton would be the perfect guy for the job. We Americans, sensitive children of immigrants, are the most parochial fans on the globe. [But] there’s an exception to every rule. American sports fans — excuse me: male American sports — fans followed Kournikova and now watch Sharapova with passionate interest. Not even American jingoism can top sex.”

By The Numbers: Going into the final, Henin-Hardenne had just turned 23, had won 23 straight matches on clay, had won 23 tournaments and was to face Pierce, ranked No. 23...During his match against 19-year-old Nadal, Euro Sport said that 23-year-old Roger Federer “appealed to the older generation”... Combined, doubles partners Martina Navratilova and Aranxta Sanchez-Vicario were 81 years old and had 72 Grand Slam titles. But they lost in the first round ... Will Navratilova win a record 64 Grand Slam titles by the time she’s 64?

Go Figure: Henin-Hardenne and Mary Pierce were the first French-speaking players to meet in a French Open final since ‘68, but neither grew up in France...Monica Seles showed up twice in New York to promote USTA events, but hasn’t played a WTA event since the ‘03 French Open and is not even listed in the WTA media guide. Neither was men’s finalist Mariano Puerta...The last three Americans in the draw — Agassi, Roddick and Blake — all held leads, suffered physical setbacks and eventually lost in five ... Federer, speaks four-and-a-half languages and, according to his girlfriend, talks in his sleep in English ...When Navratilova first came to America and gorged on Big Macs, she was the “great wide hope.” Now she’s the “great old hope.”...The WTT’s Houston Wanglers’ John Lucas is the only guy to have played and coached in both pro hoops and pro tennis.

Embrace Thine Enemy: Santa Monican Marissa Irvin, who’s reached the third round of the French three times, feels that when Americans play on clay, they get psyched out and lower their expectations. “A lot of it is just embracing being on clay, not fighting it,” she contended. “The attitude is, ‘Oh gosh, it’s clay.’ Like the Europeans are supposed to be better on this stuff. [But] I don’t think that ... especially here at Roland Garros, where the clay is reasonably fast and the balls are relatively light. ...[But] a lot of people fight it.”

Louie or Suzie?: What’s the most appealing No.2 court in the game, the U.S. Open’s Louis Armstrong Stadium or the French Open’s Court Suzanne Lenglen?

Mac Moments: Give the guy credit — Mac does little to hide his gray hair ...Doubles whiz Mark Knowles asked McEnroe to play dubs with him at Wimby ... Wearing Nadal-style Capri pants, he won the Men’s 45 Legends tournament with Yannick Noah.

What A Relief: After losing to Nadal, Federer said, “I’m not going to destroy the locker room and never come back.”

Please Come To Boston: The Boston Lobsters crawl again! World TeamTennis is reviving the best team name in the sport (unless you’re a Philly Fanatic and fancy the Philadelphia Freedom). The Lobsters — who have a storied tradition (their player/coach Ion Tiriac infamously munched on cocktail glasses) — will be hosting one of the most anticipated youth vs. experience battles since Berkeley rookie Helen Wills took on French vet Suzanne Lenglen in a much ballyhooed 1926 French Riviera confrontation. On July 7, the Lobsters will host the Battle of the Martinas, when Martina I — the eternal Navratilova, 48 — meets Martina II, the Swiss Miss Hingis, 23, who retired way too early. Dozens of fanatics have already signed up for a Steve Furgal junket that’s flying to Bean Town to take in the face-off to determine who’s the mightiest Martina. Sadly, the usually entrepreneurial WTT has yet to implement the obvious “the drinks are on us” promotion, offering free Martinis before the battle of the Martinas.

A Cancer On Our Game: Anastasia Myskina, who understandably has been deeply distracted by her mom’s health problems, is sadly just the latest player who’s had to deal with the nasty curse. Sampras’ coach Tom Gullikson succumbed to the disease, as did Seles’ and James Blake’s dads and Justine Henin-Hardenne’s mom. Agassi’s mom and sister are both survivors, as is Corina Morariu, who reached the French Open semis in doubles with Patty Schnyder.

Phrases You Thought You’d Never Hear: Imposing Finnish qualifier, passionate Swiss fans, intense French closer.

Split Infinitive Of The Month: Vince Spadea claimed Agassi was “infinitively inspiring.”

‘Yellow’ Journalism At It’s Worst: After France’s Virginie Razzano, who was born in Dijon, lost to Davenport, we were tempted to say she just couldn’t “cut the mustard,” but we didn’t want to hotdog it.

Why You Gotta Love This Game: Sesil Karatantcheva, the daughter of a Bulgarian rower and volleyball player, idolized an Argentine (Gabriela Sabatini), then went to a Florida academy (Bollettieri’s). At 13, she trash-talked a rising Russian (incorrectly claiming she’d kick Sharapova’s butt), then won the French junior championship and, at 15, beat Venus, who had inspired her as a kid.

Big Babe Watch: Sources close to Jennifer Capriati told IT that she probably won’t return until mid-August, if not later. The 29-year-old is still recovering from shoulder surgery and is working out, but is not hitting yet…Rumors of Serena’s split with boyfriend/director Brett Ratner (who was rumored to have started dating Mariah Carey),appear to be nothing but idle chatter. After all, they looked pretty cozy at the Fed Cup...After she was named to People’s 50 Most Beautiful list, Sharapova said. “It’s nice to be one of the most beautiful people.”…But according to her camp, the 18-year old was not offered, as reported by the N.Y. Post, a role on Desperate Housewives…Elena Dementieva told IT that she doesn’t expect Maria to ever play Fed Cup for Russia…Dementieva also confided that she’s tired of being asked about her oh-so-shaky serve: ”Just look at Roddick. He has the biggest serve on the men’s tour and he’s not No.1 because other parts of his game are not so good. It’s more important to have desire and other parts of your game.”…Tatiana Golovin and Getty Images unleashed an inventive series of photos of the French woman playing tennis under water on WTAtour.com. The coach-less 17-year old has cracked the top 20 and is having the time of her life traveling with her older sister. During tournaments she speaks every day to Brad Gilbert.

Roddick’s Roman Holidays: What is it about Rome that brings out the best in Andy? Last year, he played a heroic role during a fatal fire in his hotel. This year, he intervened, after seemingly having won his Italian Open quarterfinal over Fernando Verdasco, to assert that the Spaniard’s second serve on match point (which was called out to give Roddick the match), was actually in. Wouldn’t you know it, after Andy had apparently won the match, Verdaco went on a roll. After saving two more match points to win the game, he broke Andy’s serve and then won both the second set tie-break and the third set to score an improbable 6-7(1), 7-6(3),6-4 win. Of course, life savings actions and against-the-grain sportsmanship are completely different kettles of fish. (Or are they?) Anyway, in both cases Andy had an “aw shucks” ‘tude. Last year, after helping save six players from ominous black smoke, he said he was just acting on instinct. “There was a lot of adrenaline going.” This year, he said his generous call reversal wasn’t no big deal. “The umpire would have done the same thing if he came down and looked. I just saved him a trip.” But Verdasco was more to the point, noting, “Maybe another player wouldn’t have done like Andy.” And yes, we just can’t imagine Connors, McEnroe or too many others this side of Edberg, Rafter, Guga or Todd Martin giving back a match point.

Life Begins At 35: How ‘bout that Agassi. Just days after turning 35 he reaches the Italian semis [see On the Tour.]

Life Begins At 50: Former Supreme Court justice Hugo Black noted that “When I was 40, my doctor advised me that a man in his 40s shouldn’t play tennis. I heeded his advice carefully and could hardly wait until I reached 50 to start again.”

Times Change I: It used to be that souvenir vendors in Saigon did a brisk business selling caps with the sarcastic logos of an imaginary Saigon Country Club. Now Saigon is Ho Chi Minh City and the ATP just announced they’ll host a major tournament in September at a 5,000 seat stadium at the Lan Anh Country Club just outside of town. POP QUIZ: Who’ll be the first American to sign up for the tournament and just how many players on tour even know who Ho Chi Minh was? And one colorful follow-up question: For 25 bonus points, true or false, did Red Mao Tse-Tung play a whole lot of yellowball by the Yellow River during his pivotal “Long March” during the Chinese Revolution? Answer: True.

Times Change II: Do remember when journeywoman Larissa Savchenko-Neiland was the best Russian native on the tour?

There Ain’t No Silver Spoons in the Greenwich Ghetto: As former 49er Steve Young was about to join fellow southpaw John McEnroe in the Bay Area Sports Hall of Fame, IT asked the Connecticut native to reflect on our sport: “I actually played tennis and felt like I could have been pretty good,” he said. “I grew up on the other side of the tracks that go through Greenwich.”[ Editor’s note: The ones near the yacht club.] “They really have a wrong side of the tracks in Greenwich,” we asked. [Laughs]. Young then added that, “John played the way I would have played. If I could imagine myself playing tennis, I would picture myself as John McEnroe.”

Pacific Life Open Update: The Desert Sun reported that the City of Indian Wells dropped the idea of issuing a bond issue to help the Pacific Life Open with its $40 million debt and has come up with the tough-sell concept of a $1 per bed hotel tax across the Coachella Valley’s eight, often competitive, cities. The hotels already seem to be saying no, as room taxes now average 10 percent. IMG wants to sell its 50 percent share to Shanghai, but a source close to the negotiation told IT that co-owners Charlie Pasarell and Ray Moore may soon put together an investment group to buy out IMG’s share. Because of its contract with Moore and Pasarell, IMG cannot force the sale. In related news, Bank of the West Tournament Director Gus Sampras said despite the fact that he has headed three IMG tournaments that have been sold (both Scottsdale’s and Manhattan Beach) he does not anticipate the sale of the popular tournament at Stanford.

Forever Young: Just days before he lost his fifth consecutive match on the ATP Tour (in Houston), Aussie Open junior champ Donald Young lost in the quarters of the Easter Bowl. The 15-year-old is 0 for 10 in sets on the ATP Tour.

Before The Wimbledon Sunrise: Lleyton Hewitt — whose fiancé, Bec Cartwright, is pregnant — said, “I have an outside chance at Roland Garros but my focus is really on Wimbledon where it’s realistically between me and Federer.” That was before he cracked his ribs…Pete Sampras told Brit Neil Harman what Tim (“the hope of a nation”) Henman has to do to win Wimbledon. “He needs the right players to lose, he needs to be scheduled at the right time, he needs to shut out the voices he doesn’t need to hear. I had the single-minded focus that he is still trying to find.”

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